Kill Your Darlings

Kill your darlings¬†is a phrase I hear all the time and it’s always in reference to author’s and their works. Today, however, I discovered the quips universal application for it applies to all creations–excepting children, of course! ūüôā

This afternoon as Cory and I¬†discussed the need to release ourselves from the burden of running the toyline, I mentioned how I would have jettisoned it sooner had I known it was draining our resources. Cory’s reply was that there was no way T would have told us the dire straits for he couldn’t bear the thought of us killing his baby.

I’m not going to really kill this darling because I had the revelation of how I could simply give sole custody of our child to Tyler and Rebecca. The KickFire Classics Amazon Store does almost half a million in sales and really just needs someone to manage it full time. The only thing killing its profitability is the warehousing costs. As soon as we get rid of a bunch of the inventory, Rebecca and Tyler could move the goods into her father’s basement and actually run a nice business. It would be something she could easily manage and it would provide for their family.

My second kill your darlings¬†experience of the day occurred¬†this evening as I shared the Obtineo Kickstarter video with my family. A couple of people felt the video was too long and we should just start in the middle where Cory starts explaining the game. Rebecca mentioned it might be a little long and Chad said he felt it needed to be 2 videos as well. Now that I’ve heard it from a few people, I concede that they might be right. I don’t know how to tell Cory that we need to kill his darlings. I’m bad at slaying that which has been birthed. For I know the pains that go into birthing a child.

So kill our darlings we must be willing for sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven.

New Life

Today Cory and I interviewed a man by the name of Matt. We need to find someone to fill T’s shoes. T will never be replaced. Indeed, no one could ever replace a man like T. But the burden being borne by me and C is too heavy to be borne by us alone so we decided it was time.

Matt is young, hungry and perfect for the position. We can’t afford to pay him what he’s worth, but since when have we been paying anyone in the Trifecta their weight in gold? We told him he’d be making as much as us and we were all committed to getting our income back up to where it was prior to the cancer. ūüôā

He wants to be with us, but he has other factors to consider. A wife who may not be keen to see her husband with a startup, banking on success rather than set up with a “secure” 9-5 position. ¬†Just talking with Matt about what we do and how we do it brought new life to my wearied bones. I’ve been running myself ragged and feeling like I want nothing more than to run away from it all. But the energy Matt brought to our call and the excitement I felt as all three of us schemed. . . well, it was positively electric!

I’m fine with whatever happening as I have come to know that whatever happens is right and for a reason. So I will just pray that Matt does what he feels will bring him the most pleasure and if that’s us then it will be epic. If it’s not us, I’m glad he decides it now rather than 3 months into the gig. I know that if Matt doesn’t work out, someone else will. There is someone out there in the works for our team and I¬†know the Lord will provide and the universe will supply.

I’ve got a to-do list that’s only half-way done, but I’ve also got a 2-hour massage starting in 10 minutes so what do I care that I’ll be up again until the wee hours of the night. . or is it the early hours of the morn? haha

Either way, I feel infused with new life. Thanks Matt for that!


We watched Divergent Saturday night and I loved it! I loved the social commentary each character supplied. First, there was Triss who was born into the Abnegation faction. She never felt like she belonged there and rather longed to join the Dauntless faction. Triss’s aptitude test revealed that she didn’t belong to just one faction for she possessed Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite capabilities. The fact that she was different than the others made her dangerous as she couldn’t easily be categorized and controlled by the cookie cutter factions. Triss was advised to never divulge her divergent ways and instead choose a faction wherein to fit and thrive. Triss followed her heart, left her native faction and joined Dauntless. Triss’s decision to leave her native faction demonstrated courage, but another faction cannot be a divergent’s final destination, for like Four, divergents see the beauty in all factions and rather than join them, they rise above them and try to bring all the divisions together in one. Their goal is unity not division.

Perhaps this is why I loved the movie so much. I see myself as divergent. I find it impossible to thrive in one faction. Leaving one’s family or faction behind requires undaunted courage for true divergents¬†become factionless as they cannot choose sides when they see the beauty in all beings, beliefs, and ways of life. We divergents¬†want to unite not categorize. Peace, love and harmony are our battle cry.

I love that the author of Divergent chose the word faction. It reminds me of fraction. Factions cause division. Divergents refuse to divide and classify. Although factionless, they are the only ones who are not fractioned and therefore the only ones truly whole. Who better to bring everyone together than those who diverge from the fractured, factioned paths?

I am diverging for divergent am I.

A True Treasure

Last night my mom gave me the best gift ever–a true treasure. For my birthday I asked her to draw me a yellow-breasted¬†finch. Check it out:

My mom is an incredible artist and I’ve been begging her to paint me a picture for quite some time. I finally got clever enough to ask her for it for my birthday. I told her to just sketch me a quick yellow-breasted¬†finch. I wanted the yellow-breasted finch because they are one of my special spirit animals. Whenever I go for my morning meditation walks, yellow-breasted finches appear. It’s one of the ways God or spirit communicates love to me.

It will now be a symbol my mom can use when she crosses over to the other side to let me know she is near. Spirits often use animals–esp birds, butterflies, dragonflies, and ladybugs to let us know they are near. I have cool experiences like this every day and today was especially full of them. Before heading out for my morning walk, I listened to a quick devotional by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He shared the story of how he was able to obtain the butterfly on his finger for his front cover picture on¬†Inspiration

He was outside meditating and working on his book, when this butterfly came and landed on his finger. It sat and played on his finger for quite some time, and after about 30 minutes he finally figured he should obtain a picture.

I LOVE Dr. Dyer. He’s one of my mentors and since he’s already on the other side, I invite him to teach me in my dreams. He often appears imparting words of wisdom. Last night was one of those nights. He was at a whiteboard working a complex algebraic equation. I asked him why his equation was so long (to me the algebraic equation symbolized all his light and learning–his collected wisdom) and he looked at me and replied, “It comes from a life well lived.” I then asked him if that was a book of his, and he told me to go google it. Upon awaking, I did, and discovered a tribute about him called, “A Life Well-Lived. It was a wonderful read to start my Sunday morning.

So you can imagine it was no surprise when on my morning walk a beautiful monarch butterfly caught my eye as it flew immediately alongside. Dr. Dyer taught me long ago, that whenever animals in nature come exceedingly close to pause and take note of whatever I’m thinking. At that moment I was deciding once again in my mind to not have my chest and ovaries surgically removed. The butterfly flew right up alongside me in that precise moment and I took it as a sign that I was once again making the right choice for me at this particular time.

Later, as I was expressing my gratitude for all my many blessings and thinking about God, life, the spirit, and how it communicates with me, I felt something on my neck. I reached back and when I brought my hand forward, there on my finger was a spotless ladybug. It crawled around on my finger for over a minute, till I finally–like Dr. Dyer–had the thought that I too should take a picture. So I grabbed out my camera and as I went to snap a shot I said to the butterfly, “it would be really cool if I could capture a pic of you in flight.” And this is what he did:

Pretty epic huh?! I think it was actually Dr. Dyer using that ladybug to communicate with me. Or it was God once again affirming his love for me. I’m choosing to believe it was both. And regarding yellow-breasted finches? Well, my mother now knows how special they are to me so I have no doubt she’ll make use of them whenever I’m out and about to let me know she is near. And now and in the future, whenever I see one, I’ll think of her and how much she and God love me. And hopefully whenever she’s out and about and sees one she’ll think of me! Now, that’s a true treasure!

Spirit Connections, Energy, and Allowing

I promised to write more about what I learned last night at the John Edward event. There were many takeaways, but tonight I’ll write my insights surrounding spirit connections, energy, and allowing.

John allowed the audience to ask some questions at both the beginning and the end of the event. One lady said her sister was driving her crazy insisting that their dead mother was always with them. She said she can’t believe her mom is literally “always with her.” John’s reply was brilliantly insightful.

“Do you have Facebook?”

“Yes,” she replied.

Are your friends always with you?

“Well, no.”

But you are still connected, right?

John picked up the chair that was sitting on the stage and carried it around with him as he talked.

Just like your facebook friends are always connected to you even though they aren’t sitting right here by your side tonight, so are those that have crossed over to the other side. So, like your facebook friends, your mother is still connected to you.

And if you think about it, just as we can easily access those connected FB friends via our phones that we always carry with us, so too, can we access our loved ones who have crossed over to the other side.

John talked a lot about energy and how he carefully protects himself from negative energy. He explained that we all emit energy and told us to think of ourselves as a giant broadcasting station emitting energy waves as we walk around. The type of energy we emit determines the type of energy we invite back into our lives.

This concept wasn’t new to me as I have always believed that light attracts light, and negativity attracts negativity. etc. ¬†But I had never applied the concept to challenging relationships. Basically, he was giving a woman–who had just come out of a bad relationship and had once again attracted a similar doof into her life–some advice. John explained that until she did the work to heal herself and let go of old baggage–particularly her inability to trust, be vulnerable, and let go–she would continue to attract broken men who could not be trusted. He said we all continue to attract into our lives those individuals and situations that will teach us what we still have failed to learn.

I made a mental note to carefully examine any drama in my life to see if I could determine the lesson I was still in need of learning. Recognizing the lesson that still needed learning is the only way to cut the drama.

The last energy teaching he imparted came at the closing. Right before we all left, he invited us to place our feet flat on the floor and rub our hands rapidly together. We were then instructed to place our left palm up and our right palm down and notice the energy. It was tangible. Next, he had us shake out our hands, rub them quickly together, and do the same thing, but this time we were to hover our hands over our neighbors. The energy force was easily doubled. He talked about energy, love and connection, and how it is the greatest force for good in the world. It¬†was a touching reminder that everyone here on planet earth–and inside that hotel room–were¬†my divine brothers and sisters with infinite potential. I felt the oneness, energy, beauty, and power of it all.

Finally, I loved when John talked about “allowing.” He feels one of the greatest gifts we can give is allowance. Allow others the freedom to be who they are. Focus on love. I love that word. . . ALLOW. ¬†I’m going to allow others their beliefs, their journey, their path. I’ll focus on the little I can control and the rest I will allow to unfold. Thanks again Mr. Edward for the wonderful insights surrounding spirit connections, energy, and allowing.

John Edward Event

Last night I attended my first John Edward event. Divine synchronicity¬†led to the discovery that he’d be in town and I couldn’t deny the cosmic coincidence. I figured $105 was a small price to pay to discover if John was a fraud or if his psychic skills were totally legit.

I’d be lying if I didn’t admit the consternation I felt as I walked into the Raddison. Thoughts of superiority surfaced as I was surrounded by others who were definitely not my peeps. I reprimanded my thoughts, allowing my heart to take the lead for I knew we¬†were all divine beings with infinite possibilities. Beating back my rational mind’s attempts to judge, rank, classify and divide was my first win of the night.

My second win was finally meeting John in person. He was down to earth and totally legit. I loved how he instructed us in what he was doing as he was doing it. Hearing him explain how he received communications from the other side as he was receiving them helped me better understand my own abilities. I was completely fascinated and captivated. My only regret was not upgrading my ticket to VIP. It would have been $75 well spent.

It was a spiritual event. I came to love my fellow attendees and I felt our oneness. John taught about energy, unity and most importantly, love. He is a good man doing good things. A far cry from the evil, degenerate man I’d been led to believe I’d encounter dare I dabble in this type of debauchery.

My thoughts ran deep as I walked the few blocks back to my¬†car. ¬†The towering church office buildings and temple loomed large in what felt like a¬†superficial show of power. The irony was not lost on me for the tables had been turned. I had expected the John Edward event to be the superficial show of power. It wasn’t. I left feeling the universal oneness of mankind. The importance of unity and love, and the power of the other side. I’ve attended the temple where all we do is work for those who have passed on and in a hotel room with a psychic, I felt that love and power in ways I’ve never ever felt within a¬†Mormon temple.

I am excited to further hone my psychic abilities. I can’t wait to continue my studies so I can better serve my fellow beings. I loved John’s explanation of how we are still connected to spirits from the other side and how energy works. I will write about a few of the things I learned in tomorrow’s post, but for tonight, I want it on record that John Edward is truly legit. I’m grateful for the opportunity I had to attend his event and learn more about psychic mediumship, the gifts of the spirit, and those who have crossed over to the other side.

T Time

Today was one of the happiest days of my life! I was able to finally see T! It has been over 3 months since I last saw him and it was a most joyous reunion. One I never want to forget. Here are some pics and videos that say it all:

I had so much fun with him today! I’ll never forget making him do his exercises and him telling me that I just made him pee himself. I was feeding him Oreos too and he started to choke and we were laughing so hard. We talked about business. I showed him the Obtineo video and he loved it! He loved our event landing page too. Rebecca was there for a good hour and then had to leave. She amazed me! She was handling everything with perfect equanimity and grace. She is a miracle for him right now too!

I was so glad I was there when the Neurologist showed up. She told Tyler about his diagnosis. I was able to hear her tell him that he had a good square inch of his frontal lobe removed. The area that controls his executive function. I knew he had a tumor the size of a racquet ball removed, but I had no idea they had removed some of his brain. I told Rebecca and she also did not know. The doctor said he would begin radiation next week and that his prognosis was not good. She said he would most likely not ever walk again and would be confined to a wheelchair and had a year if he was lucky. Tyler told her he had 4 kids. She said she knew that. I was rubbing his back and arm the entire time. I was SO grateful to be there holding him up as he received that news.

I told him who cares what the docs say. ¬†I told him that if God wants him dead, he will die. If God wants him alive, he will survive, and even thrive! He looked me in the eyes and said, “I’m not afraid of death.” I said, “I know. And I’m not afraid either.” I told him to remember our pact. He asked what our pact was. I told him we promised each other we’d come visit each other after we die. He said yes and then we shook on it. ūüôā

Tyler thanked the doctor for telling him the truth. He said no one had told him yet that he had stage 4 brain cancer and that he was going to die.

After the doctor left I told him we are all going to die. He laughed and we both made jokes about dying. It was fun. It changed nothing and yet it has already changed everything. But that change took place over a month ago when I first heard about his tumor. My heart knew then, as it does now, that Tyler is 100% in God’s hands. There’s not a better place to be. I’m going to support and love Tyler on this journey. It’s going to be a fun one for all of us. He’s so damn tough. And he’s just the best guy ever so when he does die, I’m not worried about him one bit. He’s already pure as gold. Thank you God for today. Thank you God for Tyler.

We told each other we love each other at least 5 times. I’ll never forget my T time today.

Oh and how fitting that once I got back to my car, FB posted this photo to my timeline:

Divine Serendipity!

On Purpose

I’ve been pondering a lot lately my life’s purpose. Seems like I’m doing a lot of good things in my life, but I feel like I’m not yet doing what would be most personally fulfilling to me. Too much of my day is spent responding like a puppet on strings to everyone else’s desires and needs. If I knew just exactly what I’d rather be doing, I’d dump it all and get to it, but truth be told, I don’t really know exactly what I’d rather be doing. . . .

Scratch that! I do know what I’d rather be doing. I’d rather study all day. I’m such a nerd. I LOVE learning. I LOVED being in school. I have always wanted to get my Ph.D. I don’t really long for those letters anymore because I realize I much prefer to study a bunch of subjects rather than just one, but I do want to devote the majority of my day (at least my 40 hour work week–haha who am I kidding–I work 80 hours work weeks) to study.

I guess I haven’t yet done it because I worry about how studying all day will provide for my family. I know this fear about monetization need not exist because every time I learn something new I dream up some type of product. When I started studying cryptocurrency, I developed the ethereum token and I worked to¬†create a new PVC Satoshi figurine. Next, I dove into dream psychology and my intense focus led to the creation of my dream journal and night writer pens. Currently, I’m enjoying astrology and have a natal chart in the works.

I can spend hours studying and not even notice the time.  Last Saturday, I spent 4 hours straight in my astrology book and only noticed the time when I finally had to use the restroom. It was a total time warp. I want to do that every day and not just every other weekend.

Second to learning is teaching. I get a thrill out of sharing my knowledge. I used to think teaching was so rewarding simply because it was my natural gift. I now know, however, that teaching is just an expression and extension of my learning obsession. For me, there is no better way to learn than to teach. It formally cements the concepts.

I would, however, be lying if I didn’t admit my proclivity for the limelight. I thoroughly enjoy an audience and I do get quite the thrill out of captivating the minds of my audience. I love philosophical conversations and leading deep discussions. I must have been born in a Lyceum in my past life. Athens had to have been my former home.

So what then is my plan? Well, tonight we listened to our Daily Stoic Meditations and it was about the importance of beginning with the end in mind. One must set a direction or else you won’t be able to move toward it nor measure your progress. So my intention or direction is to create my own university curriculum. I want to continue my emphasis in Spirituality, Zen Buddhism, Meditation, Neurology, Dream Psychology, Psychic Phenomenon, and Astrology. I’m going to refrain from listing more because I want to allow my path to unfold as I explore the realms I’m already enthralled with. All of these topics continually lead to others and I am open to going wherever I feel inspired to go.

My intention is to sell KickFire Classics and NutriScience Naturals. I would like to be free from both by January 2018. I would likewise enjoy freeing up my time from KFM. There are so many young ones looking to work for us. I think I will replace myself with one of them. I could maintain ownership and just do occasional consulting and presenting, but the reality is, if I spend my time learning in all these other areas, I will spend less time studying marketing –which means I will quickly fall behind. I won’t be as knowledgeable and effective as a marketing consultant which means I will no longer feel the best in my field–therefore, I would probably not feel comfortable charging $500-1,000 per hour for my time.

I will need to consider a bit more how I would like to proceed with KFM. Perhaps it won’t all feel so overwhelming once I remove some irons from the fire. Regardless, just writing this post on purpose made me feel on purpose. Good Night!

I’m Open

Today I discovered I’m open to something I had previously been closed. Over a year ago, I decided NOT to do any preventative cancer surgeries. But after last week’s 6-month checkup at Huntsman and today’s MRI and mammogram, I’m thinking I need to reconsider.

Maybe it’s the whole situation with Tyler. Maybe it’s because the Doctor I met with Wednesday was so convincing. Or maybe it was Kaye, my nurse today, who felt I should rethink my decision.

I do hate doing these screenings. And I do hate wearing a bra. So why not lop em off? Well, the real reason is I hate surgery and the thought of cutting out my chest and ovaries sounds pretty invasive. Additionally, the thought of getting fake boobs does not appeal to me at all.

Kaye told me today that some women simply do tattoos to cover the scars and don’t even do reconstructive surgery. That thought totally intrigued me. I envisioned this epic scene of 4 birds flying out of flames that are painted across my chest. .¬†. like a phoenix rising out of the ashes. The 4 birds would represent my children.

So I’m not going to decide to do it overnight, but I’m thinking I might make the plunge after my visit this week with Ty and after I receive my results. I’ll keep you posted on whether or not I’m still open.

Enabling Beliefs

If you get to choose what you believe, why would you ever choose to believe anything besides epicness? I was listening to Tim Ferris the other day as he and Ryan Holiday expressed their disdain for the sound of their recorded voice. Ryan explained that the reason they didn’t like the sound of their recorded voices was that¬†when they heard it played back it sounded different than the way they were used to hearing it as they spoke.

Tim said, “I like that idea, and since it’s an enabling belief, I’m gonna adopt it.”

I really liked how Tim Ferris said that. It made my head wheels spin. I pondered as I peddled (I was on a mtn bike ride with my hubby) about beliefs and their power. I wondered why anyone would ever adopt beliefs that weren’t empowering? I then recalled words of wisdom from a mentor who said, “If something serves you, pick it up. If it doesn’t serve you, set it down.” I LOVED it then and I love it more so now. Tim Ferris’ words about enabling beliefs struck a chord.

I’ve been paying attention to my beliefs. I’ve been pruning negative and limiting beliefs while keeping and cultivating positive and enabling beliefs. I don’t see the sense of carrying around any belief or thought that doesn’t inspire me to be my best. If it weren’t so late I’d make a list of all my enabling beliefs I currently realize. The list would include:

I am a divine being

I am good

We are all divine beings

we are all good

I have infinite possibilities

we all have infinite possibilities

We control our perceptions and our perceptions control our reality

Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

saying no means saying yes

nothing is personal

assumptions aren’t helpful

Reality is truth

Everything happens for a reason

Everything works together for our good

God is good

God is loving

God doesn’t punish or with hold love, ever

Resistance is suffering

God will supply

The universe will provide

to name just a few. I want to think and write more about my enabling beliefs, but right now I’m ready for some sleep.