Things Fall Apart

I all of a sudden just remembered a dream where the theme was “Things fall apart so we can practice putting them back together.”

Well, that is how the past 6 days have been. Finding out about Tyler was sad news and it has been a bit crazy over here trying to figure things out and hold down the fort in the absence of my right-hand man. I have had my world fall apart once before and I survived. In fact, I’m a better person today because of it.

This turn of events hasn’t shaken me like the first. I’m stronger now–more mature. I realize that this is life. Things fall apart so we can practice putting them back together. God’s in training must become expert problem solvers. Every problem has a solution, and love and service are all that really matter anyway.

You know what? If T doesn’t come back, I think I’m going to retire and just write poetry on a deserted island for awhile. I’m already feeling a deep need to retreat, rest, recover, commune with God and spirits, and just sit still for a long, long time.

I’m not ready to let Tyler go. Dammit! Tyler, hello? Did you hear your boss lady? I’m not ready for you to go! If you leave the KickFire Crew, I don’t wanna do this! Remember, I told you a million times. . .  I don’t want to run a company without you! I need my perfect partner to proceed. Spirit partners ain’t good enough on this venture. . it will be fine for writing songs in the wilderness, but I need you here in person to chop sites and talk shop. . . I need to hear your funny jokes, your smart-ass remarks, and your daily Bonjournos. Get better fast T! My head’s starting to hurt. 😉


I just started my first book on astrology and am having a lot of fun reading all about the various astrological signs. And I’m actually surprised at how accurate my description is as well as the descriptions I just read for my spouse and my older brother and little sister. I haven’t yet read all the deets on everyone’s signs, but plan to in a moment. For now, I thought it would  be fun to read the Zodiac for Leo:

Leo Strength Keywords:

– Confident
– Ambitious
– Generous
– Loyal
– Encouraging

Leo Weakness Keywords:

– Pretentious
– Domineering
– Melodramatic
– Stubborn
– Vain

Leo and Independence:

Leo is very independent but they need something to control and someone to admire them and appreciate them. They are fully capable of being greatly successful on their own but they are much happier if they have an audience and a following of people who look up to them. They would prefer not be alone.

Leo and Friendship:

People are attracted to Leo’s zest for life and their warm spirit. They have the ability to lift up one’s spirits and provide encouragement when times are rough. Their enthusiasm attracts people, Leos are social butterflies, not because they want to be but because people always naturally gravitate and surround the Leo. Leos are very difficult people to not like, they are usually fairly balanced, realistic people. They never dwell on the past and they will think you are strange if you do. Some Leos might be too caught up in themselves and be very self-centered but they are never too self-absorbed to help anyone who needs it. They pamper their friends and treat them well. A Leo is the ultimate friend. They do not hold a grudge and they are very forgiving. They have respect and understanding of people’s differences.

Leo and Business:

Business dealings are easy and successful for Leo, if they are in command and control. This can cause conflict in the workplace should the Leo not be in a position of superiority, but they usually get there eventually thanks to their powerful drive to succeed, in other words, they are excellent leaders because this is their kingdom they have to control, and they do it well. Leo has an amazing ability to get along with people and they work best in a group as opposed to alone. They can be very diplomatic in a group setting and can delegate people well, however, Leo will not take orders. They need to give orders but with their enthusiasm and cheerfulness, other people do not have a problem taking orders from a Leo because they are never condescending and they treat others with respect and equality. Leos are full of drama, flair, and extravagance and this reflects in the business world. They make an impact, they make a difference in the workplace and help to keep the parts moving in sync and iron out any problems before they arise. If the business fails, that means that Leo fails and they are extremely determined not to fail. Leo is the most extravagant sender of all astrology signs. They will not over do it but they will surround themselves with luxury as much as possible. They will never settle for second best.

Leo Temperament:

Leo loves the new and extraordinary, they despise dull, regular routines and if this is what they are faced with, they will simply create their own drama and excitement. This makes Leo prone to stir up a situation out of nowhere just for something to keep their vivacious temperament satisfied. Leo has an amazing ability to bounce back from any feelings of despair or unfortunate events. They do not like to be unhappy, it hurts their pride so they will take matters into their own hands and make things right again. Leos could come into conflict with other powerhouse type of people who will not take orders and not give an inch, Leos will not budge their opinion, they will understand and accept opinions of others but they do not take well to people to try to impose their beliefs on them. Leos most often have the temperament of a demanding, spoiled child but this is only shown if someone steps on the boundaries of their kingdom. They react this way because of their territoriality.

Leo Deep Inside:

Leos are extremely sensitive but they hide that very well. Leos love praise and flattery, their egos demand respect and adoration. Leo is all about pride. This can cause them to be self-centered but the warmth of the Leo heart keeps it under control. If Leo’s audience (otherwise known as their friends) do not provide the needed appreciation, Leo is too proud to ask for it and they will suffer a hurt ego, but no one will ever know and they will suffer in silence. The secret of the Leo is that they need to be needed.

Leo in a Nutshell:

Leo is the lion, this well-suited symbol represents Leo very well. They possess a kingdom which they protect and cherish. The are high esteemed, honorable and very devoted to themselves in particular! The kingdom could be anything from work to home to a partner, whatever it is, you rule it. Leo is always center stage and full of flair, they enjoy basking in the spotlight. A Leo always makes their presence known. Leos are full of energy that acts like a magnet for other people. Others are attracted to Leo’s wit, charm, and what they have to say for they speak of things grand and very interesting. Leo will never settle for second best. They want only the best which can cause lavish excessive spending habits as they enjoy their life of luxury, which is all to easily justified by the grand and magnificent Leo! Public image is very important to Leo, with luxurious possessions and ways of life, this keeps the public image in high standing. They will do whatever it takes to protect their own reputation. Leos are very generous, kind and openhearted people. If a Leo is crossed, they will strike back with force but they are not one to hold a grudge, they easily forgive, forget and move on. Leos are always trying to make things right in the world, they have larger than life emotions and they need to feel like they have accomplished something at the end of the day. They react to situations with action instead of sitting back and thinking about it, they are not impulsive however because they look at the future and consider consequences of their actions.

What it’s like to date a Leo Woman:

The first step is to give her praise and adoration. The relationship will never work if she does not receive this from you. Do not look at other women when you are with her, she has to be the only one in your eyes. The thought of competition with other women completely turns her off, for she is marvelous and grand and better than any other woman (in her eyes)! Be prepared however to compete with other men. She attracts men, deliberately or not, because of her dazzling personality. She makes a good partner because she gives undying affection and love and makes you feel really good about yourself. She is kind and supportive with an adventurous streak, she is always fun to be with. Leo woman will dominate, But not completely for she still needs the man to lead the way and give her the desired sense of approval, she looks up to her man. Leo woman is perfect for the man who is affectionate and has a strong character but not too controlling. She needs someone who is passionate about everything in their life and who strives for the best in everything, because so does she.

Psychic or Psycho

I had a fun experience the other night. I was telling my friend about dream work and she was telling me about her best friend that passed away a couple of years ago. I told her she should connect with her in her dreams. I told her a few ways how. And then I asked to see a picture of her grandma and to know her name and then I told her I’d try to connect with her too.

So I wrote down some questions in my dream journal before drifting off to sleep and as I entered my hypnagogic state I started experiencing rapid flashes of images, thoughts, ideas… all in a very telepathic way. I grabbed my journal and started recording some of them. I did that for about 30 minutes and then I awoke in the early morning hours and wrote down some more transmissions and then once again as I came out of sleep I experienced an abundance. I wondered if what I had received was psychic or psycho?

The only way to know would be to ask my friend. I decided I would do it later and in person. But my husband told me I shouldn’t wait and should just ask her so, after two days, I decided I did indeed want to know. So I sent her a text where I just basically copied and pasted what I had written down in my dream journal and I waited for her to reply . . . and she did:

Who are you?!

I told her “your psycho friend!” haha. She then proceeded to tell me all the ways I had literally nailed it. It was really remarkable as I’ve never tried this with someone else before. I always have cool dreams and record them each morning. I’ve communed with dead people, but never on someone else’s behalf.  It was SO rewarding. I do believe in ESP and psychic powers. I don’t believe anyone ever really dies, they just change form. I found this to be such a comforting experience because last night as I wondered what I would do without Tyler, I felt such a comforting peace knowing that he would be here to always run this company with me whether he was here physically or not. Pretty rad thought—psychic or psycho? Psycho, definitely not!

Brain Dreams

I’ve been having Brain Dreams–all about hurting heads. The first night after learning about Tyler’s brain tumor I dreamt of my computerized piano that I love and it was malfunctioning . .. it’s “brain” was broken and I was crying because I loved my piano and I was telling Cory and my brother Ryan, who were in the room with me, that it can still play and makes the most beautiful music. .. it just has a “Brain” problem right now. I was taking such care to dust it off and straighten up all the papers that were scattered on it (that was so symbolic of me having to sort through Tyler’s emails and figure out where in the heck all the passwords and stuff I didn’t know was etc.) .. . and of course Tyler would be my computerized piano because he is the smart computer guy who makes music and I LOVE my computerized piano. one of my prized possessions

and then last night I dreamt all about Tyler’s wife:

In my dream there was this woman and she was lying on the couch with a headache. . had been taking pills for life support and depression but now her head pain was nothing compared to his and she was telling me how she needed to be strong and not fragile and her trash can was so small but overflowing with trash so I offered to take it out and I couldn’t believe it but we were watching another lady on TV who had her head shaved from a brain tumor and she was covering it with cellophane and was saying how she didn’t look as beautiful anymore on that side of her head. It was all too close to home.

Needless to say, T is on my mind–hence the brain dreams–as is his entire family.

Brain Strain

So my business partner, friend, and man that I just adore has been hospitalized in Italy with a mass on his brain. Looks like they are going to operate and he and Rebecca will be there for at least another month. He is in a lot of pain and there isn’t much we can do but pray.

I’m trying not to bug him with work details, and we are getting pretty good at hacking along over here, but dammit I miss him. He’s a mighty fine man and even if they do take half of his brain, he’ll still be smarter than most everyone I know who still has their whole brain.

I never wanted to run a company and I sure don’t wanna without him. But I’m putting on my big girl pants because you know what, Tyler’s gonna need some income to see him and his family through these next few months. And dammit Tyler! you don’t even have insurance!  So there’s that. Such an anarchist–of course he doesn’t have insurance. HA! Well, good thing he is rich in friends because our GoFundMe campaign is going to raise millions because Tyler is just that kind of guy. Good as gold. .yep that’s T to the core. Bustin’ his ass for everyone else. Now it’s our turn to pay it back.

And man I’m turning in to a class A cusser. Feels good to say what you feel instead of acting all prim and proper. Perhaps I’m not refined. Not so shocking now is it?  I should probably work on it, but right now, I’m just saying it how it is. I love you T and I know that whatever is supposed to happen will. I hope that now isn’t your time to go because I will miss you sorely–but deep down inside I know you won’t be gone. Heck, I’ll probably see you more then than I see you now. You’d better come visit me in a million ways. Every time I hear an Andrea accent I’ll think of you. . . and every time I eat Italian food I’ll think of you. I will just go sit at Harmon’s and eat gelato. And I’ll watch Phil, Rick and Ty, and svêlo and trump videos and laugh and cry. You are my favorite T. Can’t wait for you to get back over here and start calling the shots again and pretending that I’m the Boss

I love you T and I know that whatever is supposed to happen will. I hope that now isn’t your time to go because I will miss you sorely–but deep down inside I know you won’t be gone. Heck, I’ll probably see you more than I see you now. You’d better come visit me in a million ways. Every time I hear an accent (esp Andrea’s) I’ll think of you. Every time I eat Italian food, I’ll think of you. In fact, I will just go sit at Harmon’s and eat gelato. And I’ll watch Phil, Rick and Ty the Diabolo Guy, and svêlo and our Trump videos and laugh and cry. You are my favorite T. Can’t wait for you to get back over here and start calling the shots again and pretending that I’m the Boss Lady. . . we both know that’s bull shit, but thanks for making me feel important and for being my loyal partner and friend. xoxo

Of Minions and Men

Of Minions and Men sounded fun because it reminds me of the classic Of Mice and Men by Steinbeck. Anyhow, this will be a short post. Last week I went for my morning walk and discovered this lone minion at the park.

It made me smile because my kiddos love minions and I knew they’d love the surprise. I took it as a fun gift from God and gave it to the kids. They were only sad that there was only one. Well imagine my delight when Monday I discovered these two minions at the same park:

It was like God opening up the windows of heaven and pouring down a blessing upon my head, I barely had room to receive it as my hands were full with my book, leash and poop bags. God never ceases to amaze me. He’s involved in the details. He’s concerned with his minions. 😉

Check Your Sources

So there has been a little drama regarding the missionary story shared by Elder Holland at a mission president’s conference. Here’s a link in case you never read it:

The church had to recall the story as the ending wasn’t true:

There were a bunch of people saying that’s why you should always check your sources. I chimed in with my thoughts:

Perhaps that is why Jesus spoke in parables. . . so much easier than verifying sources.  Plus, who doesn’t love a good story—esp one illustrating a powerful principle? The parable/story of the Good Samaritan teaches us all how to be better human beings. Truth be told, when I first read Elder Holland’s story my thought wasn’t, “Oh that is just another proof that the Mormon church is true.” I thought, “God is so rad like that—constantly working miracles for his children irregardless of their race, religion, or faith. I love Him!”  

I believe that story could happen. I believe it would happen for a Jehovah’s Witness, or an Episcopalian Minister, or anyone sharing their faith. God is all about love and unity. He’ll work his magic to bring about connection and good everywhere for everyone. Not just for Mormons, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, or whoever is claiming their church is true.

So I’m not so sure you need to check your sources as much as you need to just trust your source. He is looking to lead, love and bless you every day and in every way.

My Poor Partner

My poor partner is far away from home in Italy in the hospital. He was suffering from a migraine and started puking so they rushed him to the ER and they found something on his CAT scan so they are keeping him overnight.

I’m feeling helpless clear over here. All we can really do is pray and wait. And maybe that’s enough. I mean studies show the efficacy of prayer. So we are doing that which does something. I am making sure that he and his family know we are praying for him so that he can get the full effect.

Here is the last text I fired off his way before retiring

Tyler, I have been texting Rebecca and trying not to bother you, but I just want you to know how worried we are for you and how religiously we’re praying for you. Research has proved the efficacy of prayer and they say it’s even more potent when the individual is aware of the prayers on his/her behalf. Hence, just wanted you to know that you’ve got many peeps penetrating the heavens on you and your family’s behalf.  xoxoxo

I am sure he will be fine, but the hiccup has caused me to reflect today about how I would seriously just quit if anything happened to T. I don’t wanna run a business without my wingman. Or is he my co-pilot? Whatever one is mission critical, that’s what he is. KickFire is what it is because of him. I couldn’t and wouldn’t dream of doing it without him. Cory and I will have to retire if he doesn’t get better fast.

Goodnight for now. I hope tomorrow finds Tyler much improved.



Today in my family history class we all shared stories on the Memories app. It was fun to learn more about each other. I realize the importance of creating a record for others. It’s fun. It’s easy. I’m trying to stay motivated to continue teaching this class. I think I discovered that I can stay jazzed about it by being super flexible with the curriculum. By making every group attend for 6 weeks, it gets boring if they are fast learners. I only needed 3 weeks with this group. They are all computer savvy and fast learners so what took the first group 6 only took us 3. So I took authoritative, teacher privilege to graduate them all early. Brother Stevens will take a few weeks to round me up another batch, and that’s just fine with me. I miss attending gospel doctrine.


Chihuly Chops

We did a lot today—like rode our bikes out to Bainbridge Island, explored Pike’s Marketplace and saw more Seattle city sites, but what impacted me most today was the Dale Chihuly Glass Garden and Museum. It was so phenomenally awe inspiring. I have acquired a deep love and appreciation for the passions and love of others. Dale loved working with glass and his devotion to his art led him to become a world renowned glass artist. He has created exhibits all over the world and they are stunning and remarkably creative. I wished my kids could see his creations. The underground sea display blew my mind as did his glass ceiling.

I also thoroughly enjoyed watching the video segments about his work. Watching him direct his teams and do his work reminds me of myself as I direct KickFire Marketing and lead my KickFire Crew. I want my children to follow their passions like I feel I’m doing and like Dale Chihuly has done. I find so much fulfillment and joy in my work and I also find so much enjoyment seeing others fulfill the measure of their creation through their creations.

Chihuly, thanks for inspiring me today. You got serious chops.