Anniversary Numerology

Today is my 2 year anniversary. I cannot believe it has already been 2 years and yet I feel like we’ve always been together.

So far, it’s been an incredible ride! My eyes have been opened and I’ve realized that there is more than one way to skin a cat.  The things I’ve learned from my relationship with my new husband has impacted my parenting, my ideologies, and how I interact with the world at large. He is a great teacher, and I hope the lessons are not yet finished for I feel I still have so much to learn.

Something funny is that Matt and I picked our marriage date because of numerology. I was originally planning on 10-10-2015. I was first drawn to this date because it was a Saturday and because I LOVE double digits–they’re lucky. However, Grant, my future father-in-law, suggested we should get married on his birthdate which is 10-8. Debbie explained that 10-8 is a very lucky day because it contains the numbers 1-0-8. According to numerologists, this is the perfect and most beautiful sequence because it stands for one thing (1), nothing (0), and everything (8 turned sideways is the infinity sign).

I thought that was the coolest thing I’d ever heard so we readily assented. We booked the Ogden Temple for Thursday, October 8th.

2 years ago I knew relatively nothing about numerology. Who knew that it would now fascinate me beyond measure? There are certainly no coincidences. I was married in a 3 personal year and Matt was married in 11/2. Both very good numbers for a happy, fulfilling marriage. We are just now coming out of an 8 anniversary year which is one full of business and financial success, and we are now entering a 9 anniversary year which is a time of endings and completions. It will be interesting to see which projects we bring to a close in 2018 and what we give birth to in 2019. These are definitely exciting times!

I’m grateful for a relationship that began as one thing, sometimes feels like nothing, and still has the potential to become everything. If I had to pick again, I’d still choose him!

Inert Objects Don’t Progress

I love when I wake up from a dream cycle with a quote coursing through my mind. This morning I awoke as I was writing this thought down:

Inert objects don’t progress

I quickly looked up the definition to make sure I captured the full meaning of my dream quote and every definition resonated with events occurring in my life right now and in my dream last night:

1lacking the power to move
2very slow to move or act sluggish
3deficient in active properties; especially lacking a usual or anticipated chemical or biological action
There has been a lot of change the past few months in my business and personal life. Yesterday I was consulting with a large neutraceutical company and a full-time position, very attractive, was suggested. I can’t stop thinking about it and what it could mean.
Additionally, change is something I’ve come to expect and accept. Rather than fear it, I try to enjoy and embrace it for the opportunity it is. Like I penned the other day in my Observations post: the more scenes we get to observe the better, right?
In my dream, an office worker was upset over a job she had applied for that she was certain she would not get. I told her that if she didn’t get it something else would come along. I shared all the best of my Zen, Toltec, and Stoic wisdom:
When one door closes another one opens.
God will provide and the universe will supply.
Everything you need is already on its way.
Remember the power of intent. You can manifest your desires and all your wishes can be fulfilled.
I assured the woman that since she was honest, kind, and hardworking she would always find success–so chin up and keep doing your best! She smiled through her tears and thanked me for my words. Everyone in the office who heard my speech was equally inspired. I walked to the back room wherein sat Oprah Winfrey. I was moving around some of her O Magazines and I wondered if she heard my speech for she was smiling kindly upon me. I figured she would want to make me a regular on her talk show. Haha. . . seems my subconscious is keenly aware of who the Gods of this world are and why the “philosophies of men” were rining so powerfully true to my “worldly” co-workers. I must be “of this world” for I–like them–have found these “philosophies” mighty inspiring, impactful, and true. They’ve not only helped me in my personal life, but I’ve witnessed how my sharing of these truths with others has helped them too. This phenomenon was illustrated further in my subsequent dream scene:
I was in a car and an old gentleman was curled up in the back seat. It was apparent he was sad from the recent passing of his wife. His feet were wooden blocks which symbolize to me his inertia or inability to handle the change and move on. His wooden “soles” also symbolized the fact that his soul was deadwood. I began pouring a pitcher of water (symbolizing the “living water”) slowly onto the back seat of the floor of the car. Matt was watching me administer this healing balm, however, I felt that it wasn’t working as the man curled up tighter into a ball, retreating further in distraught.
Recognizing that my actions were not resonating, I set the pitcher aside and instead picked up some of the man’s personal belongings. One of which was his golf pants. They were nice slacks with tiny white polka dots. I folded them for him and complimented him on his nice pants. As I began to ask him all about his pants and his life, he came alive. He moved to the front seat and began telling me about his business and the hard decisions he was facing as he had to decide whether or not to close down one of his departments. I told him that whatever he decided to do he would be fine so long as he did it in love. The man, with my words of wisdom, was able to accept and embrace the change for the growth opportunity it was. He, like the office woman in my previous dream scene, simply needed perspective and help from someone with greater wisdom and vision.
These dreams from last night reminded me of the many changes that have occurred recently in my life, personally and professionally. Change is good for inert objects don’t progress. 
My key takeaways:
Choose that which is best for you. When you are doing what you love and were meant to do, you are able to bring the most good and love to others because  you are living inspired (aka in spirit).
Everything is always an upgrade if you let the change or challenge teach and change you (oooh this topic is worthy of a post or book in and of itself “Changing through the Change” or “Changing through the Challenge” or “Change through Challenge” “Challenged to Change”)
Inert objects don’t progress. 

Facing Fears and Flying High

I awoke this morning at 3 am and couldn’t immediately fall back to sleep. So I tossed and turned and eventually started meditating in an attempt to fall back to sleep. Soon enough I began having an out of body experience. It has happened several times before and always begins with the tingles that commence at the top of my spine and rapidly spread. As the tingle chills spread and increased in intensity I felt my body begin to lift up off the bed.

In the past, this sensation has caused me to panic as it feels like some spirit entity is sinking into your body, trying to take over your soul. I am always unable to speak and sometimes my tongue is literally bound, but I’m always able to command the spirits to depart in my head using my thought voice, but last night I was not afraid and instead of panicking when I could not speak, I started singing in my head, “I’m flying, I’m flying.”

By reframing my experience from one of some evil spirit trying to possess my body to simply a paranormal dream paralysis experience, I was able to turn what used to be a horrifying experience into a lucid dream thrill. I lifted up off my bed and started soaring around my bedroom. After making a few complete revolutions, I returned safely to my bed alongside Matt. I still felt like I was flying on my bed in my dream so I started trying to tell him “Look at me, I’m flying, I’m flying” hoping he would wake up and see that I was having such a cool dream.

Wake up he did (in my dream), and I too, woke up a level. He pulled me out of bed, removed my mouth guard so I could speak, and as we were sliding along the floor I noticed it was Mike, my former spouse, not Matt. Mike slid me into the bathroom where I had the distinct impression that he was luring me into a trap. I felt impressed to incapacitate him before he could tell the person hiding in the shower behind the curtain to kill me. So I shot him with my handgun (literally, I put my hands together in the shape of a gun like a little kid playing and while pointing my “hand guns” at him I said, “Bang, Bang!” He fell dead.

The shower curtain slowly began to open and my instinct said, “Run!” But I immediately reminded myself that I was dreaming and that I should instead face my fear and try to uncover what it was that was trying to harm me. So I stood my ground. The shower curtain revealed a woman with dark hair my age. I asked, “Who are you? And why are you trying to kill me?” She didn’t answer, she simply put her hands together in a gun and said, “Bang, Bang!” I immediately replied, “You can’t die in your dreams!” And then the realization that this was true and that I had faced my fears and overcome them caused me to start dancing around in the bathroom while singing, “You can’t die in your dreams!” The lady scuzzed me and shut the shower curtain.  I still don’t know who she was, but Mike stood up off the bathroom floor and made his way to the shower as if he were going to shower now too.

This dream is important to me because it symbolizes my newfound power. I am no longer afraid of my nightly encounters. My dreams have helped me overcome my fears of death–I had that powerful awareness come during a lucid dream in Lake Tahoe with the intruder at the foot of my bed, and now I feel that last night gave me the experience I needed to overcome my fear of the spirit(s) who have been visiting me at night. I realize now they cannot hurt me nor do they want to.

I can’t help but think of the FDR quote, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I also was able to prove to myself once again that I’m not afraid to die. I can look fear and death in the eye and say, “Why are you here? Why are you trying to harm me?” Death turned away in this dream just as it will in life if it is not yet my time. I’m grateful for my experiences of last night where I was able to realize the power of Facing Fears and Flying High!

Game-Changing Observation

Here’s a game-changing observation.

Life is a game.

You are the player.

Get excited about the changing roles, the different sights, challenges, and terrains. Enjoy playing and experiencing each new level.

See yourself as an observer. Detach from everything. And simply see every moment, whether a triumph, a struggle, a victory, or a defeat, as simply an awesome event you get to experience.

None of this matters. We came into this world with nothing and the only thing we take with us is our wisdom, knowledge, and experience, essentially, we get to keep what we’ve become.

The more levels or games we get to play while we are here, all the better. Why wish for a life of ease, sameness, and calm? Not much is learned about sailing when sitting on a sea of stillness. It is through wrestling the winds and the waves that true sailors are made. Embrace the storms for the skills you’ll develop, and for the stories you’ll soon be able to share.

We came to this earth to gain experience. Thank the Good Lord for giving you many. Step back and look at your current situation as if you were a world traveler being given the gift of experiencing new sights, scenery, and terrain. Or fancy yourself as a video-gamer who has been given a new game to complete. Play your best, learn what you can, and be ready for the next level or change in games.  Isn’t seeing yourself as an observer in an ever-changing world–a world that was created to teach, train, and develop you as a person–an empowering perspective? Perhaps you now understand why I’m calling this post a game-changing observation.

Squeezing an Orange

Loved the idea Dr. Dyer conveyed today about squeezing an orange. A woman called into his daily radio show all concerned about her upcoming trip home. Her parents vex her and she sought advice on how not to let them pull her strings. She was so worried that they would bring out the worst in her.

Dr. Dyer explained what I’m going to call The Parable of Squeezing Oranges.

What do you get when you squeeze an orange? It’s impossible to get grape juice. It’s impossible to get grapefruit juice. If you squeeze an orange you get orange juice.

The same is true with people. If you are a loving, kind person, when someone squeezes you, they should get loving kindness. If they get something other than orange juice when they squeeze you, you aren’t an orange.

Here this woman was worried about how her parents would bring out the worst in her and Dr. Dyer so lovingly explained that her parents were only squeezing out what she was. If she wasn’t full of craziness, her parents wouldn’t be able to squeeze that out of her.

This concept reminds me of C.S. Lewis’ teaching about rats in the cellar. If you want to know if there are rats in a cellar you won’t find them when you are in bustling about in the cellar lights on. You are going to discover rats in the cellar when you take them by surprise. You’ve got to fling open the door when they are least prepared.

If oranges are love, then I want to produce orange juice when squeezed.

Which leads me to believe that if God is love, he can’t produce anything but love when squeezed. Which means I can never do anything to produce anything but love from Him. Which means He loves me no matter what. Whew, that’s a relief. There goes a whole lot of pressure.

squeeze an orange

the juice is sweet

squeeze my God

the love runs deep

squeeze myself

what do you see?


or bitter seeds?

The title to this poem shall be God is Love

Psychics and Prophets

I’ve been listening to a course by John Edwards about how he developed his psychic abilities and I’m finding his formula very fascinating, especially as it relates to the Prophet Joseph Smith.  John, like Joseph, was enthralled with metaphysics and supernatural experiences. And while John has oft-times been persecuted for his abilities, he is in good company as historical allegations suggest Joseph was a necromancer, diviner, dreamer, visionary, gold digger, and a fraud. Again, accusations anyone who dabbles in “the other side” is familiar with.

Joseph Smith was a seeker, spiritualist, mystic, and a mason. Was it his interest in these arts that led to his great abilities? Or was it God who planted these desires in him from birth that led him to explore these mysteries and further develop these talents and abilities?

Today, if Joseph were a member of a traditional religious congregation, and he was feeling pulled to study ancient arts, wouldn’t he be just as fiercely ridiculed or ostracized as he was back then? If he were found to be divining with a rod, peeping with a stone, searching after gold, would he not be labeled a charlatan, misguided, and/or deceived?

I guess we should not find it so interesting that when others today seek for answers outside the traditional institutions of their day, they are equally criticized. Not much has changed when it comes to organized religions and long-established institutions. Their survival depends very much on committed individuals who subscribe to and support their ideologies. Free-thinkers and seekers are a subversive threat who, if their ideas spread, can undermine the entire organization.

Interesting food for thought, huh?

In closing, I wanted to quickly note John’s steps in futhering your psychic abilities:

  • Prayer/Meditation
  • Psychic Protection
  • Tools

John Edwards says the first step in awakening your psychic abilities is to pray or meditate. It’s imperative to be still and clear your mind so that you can start receiving inspiration. Sound familiar? Doesn’t sound evil to me.

Second, John says you must protect yourself psychically from the negative energy of others, and you must consciously surround yourself in the white light of love. I’d say this is similar to praying for charity and seeking after that which is virtuous, praiseworthy, or of good report.

Third, you must pick a tool to help you develop your psychic abilities. John favored Tarot Cards. I really like astrology, numerology, psychometry, and dreams. I don’t know much about Tarot, but just placed a bunch of books on hold at the library so I can learn more about it.

Circling back around to psychics and prophets, I find it fascinating that Joseph Smith relied on 2 of the 3 of John’s steps. He prayed before receiving revelation, and he was known to first use tools when he was developing his abilities. He used a peeping stone, a black hat, and some special spectacles.

What’s really exciting to me is that all my life I was taught that we must not study these things, but as I learn more about the supernatural, energy work, and world of the spirits, the more I realize that prophets and psychics are those who have learned to attune themselves to the other side. We all possess psychic abilities, but some of us don’t ever put forth the effort to hone and develop them. I, like Joseph, John, and other seekers before me, am grateful for the learnings stemming from my yearnings.

Compliments to the Cook

Tonight we had the best FHE ever! We all went down to visit T in the hospital. My kids have been begging to go see Tyler ever since he came home. Tonight was finally the night.

I told Rebecca I would grab her kids and bring them down with us and dinner. My first thought was to just grab pizza and then I figured a nice home cooked meal would probably be better. I imagine they’ve had a lot of fast food and pizza the past few months. I’m so glad I went with my gut because Tyler never stopped gushing about how delicious it was.

I made a cream cheese chicken sauce that we served over rice. We had salad, french bread, and then chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I knew Tyler would love the cookies as he loves any dessert. He kept asking for seconds and after 3 cookies Rebecca told him he’d better be done. That was when he started using his Oreo coaxing on me. He looked right over Rebecca and said, “Janelle, can I please have another cookie?” How am I supposed to say no to that? I had to look away. He kept asking. Finally, he said, “Okay, just one-half of a cookie?”

I couldn’t tell him no so I suggested that we all go for a walk and then he could have one when we got back. He liked that idea and so we all went out to the labyrinth where we were able to wheel his chair around and around. It was fun. And yes, the instant we returned to the hospital, he asked for his cookie. Fortunately, someone had polished them all off while we were out and about so I could legitimately tell him there were no more. He was crestfallen so I told him I’d make it up to him by bringing homemade brownies the next time I came to visit. He said, “That will be perfect.”

Such a fun night with my favorites. Here are just a few highlights from my FB post recording the night:

FHE with some of our favorites! I have never had so many compliments on my cooking. Tyler still loves food and the steroids make him super hungry. He told me to bring him some svêlo to suppress his appetite lol. He likes going for walks and I like watching Rebecca take such good care of him. To me, she’s the miracle! I am so impressed with her faith, optimism, sense of humor, and strength. Jane bought Tyler a cancer bracelet. He let her put it on and said he might not take it off. He’s the best! Always so thoughtful and kind. He asked all about KickFire and today they did let him get on his laptop. My heart jumped for joy when I saw him like my Facebook box jump post. He begged me for more cookies and I reminded him that last time I almost killed him with the Oreos. He said it was totally worth it! He’s getting stronger every day and he did make Larry (his dead left arm) slide a few inches on the table. Guess Larry isn’t all the way dead! He misses you all and cannot wait to go home. He’s still so much fun and so kind. Cancer can’t keep T down. #fighter#FunTimes #FHE @ Intermountain Medical Center

Love you T! Thanks for all the compliments to the cook! Still great at making me feel like a million bucks! xoxo

Flexibility, Resistance, and Strength

I purchased a yoga bundle by Dylan Werner that is going to increase my flexibility and strength. I started the training this weekend and was able to complete the first 7 classes. His movements are amazing and time again he has stressed that it isn’t our muscles that give us proprioception stability, control, and strength, but it’s our flexibility. When we increase our range of motion we decrease resistance, and resistance is what weakens us and makes it difficult for us to move our bodies with ease. Only when we eliminate resistance can we really progress to the advanced, fun, and exciting yoga poses.

Resistance doesn’t just make advanced yoga positions impossible. Flexibility is a truth with universal application. Whenever we are fixed, rigid, close-minded–essentially full of resistance–we cannot move gracefully through life with ease. We inhibit our natural strength and prevent the growth that would come through the stretching and the expanding of our minds, emotions, and faculties.

In life, not just yoga, we should seek to eliminate resistance. We conquer resistance through increased flexibility. When we are flexible we are strong. I want to be more flexible by remembering to just allow. Allow others to be and love them for who they are and what they have the potential to become, and give myself the same space and respect I give others.

Groovy Grooming

Tonight was a lot of fun. Me, Page, Jane, and Gwen had a little party while the boys attended the priesthood session. We went shopping, got some dinner and then decided to groom Thor.

It took us a solid 2 hours and it was pretty strenuous. Thor was a good sport, and I no longer consider $60 to be too much to pay our groomer lol.

I am grateful I was able to spend that time in that tiny bathroom with Page. She is such a fun girl. Thor looks great now, and best of all, he’s sleeping in her bedroom for the first time. I like the idea of him being able to stay inside during the winter. I feel so sad sending him outside when it’s so cold. He really is the most delight animal. God is really great for sending him to us.

It’s late now and I’m tired. I’m really looking forward to my dreams tonight. I can’t help but think I might be shaving a god all night long. Oh and I’m really excited about tomorrow morning for we are going to see the largest gathering of monks in the history of Utah. The Buddhist temple in Ogden is being dedicated and they are having a huge community celebration. I’m sure I’ll be writing more about it tomorrow. Good night!

Wonder Women

I bought Page the Wonder Woman movie for her birthday and tonight we all watched the 2+ hours of bonus content. I had no idea the director of the film was a woman. In fact, the whole team was full of Wonder Women. Gal Gadot is incredible! The costume designer was incredible. Everyone was so fun to watch in action. Especially the director, Patty Jenkins. Did you know that she was the first woman to be awarded a movie with a budget over $100 million dollars?

As I was watched the behind the scenes footage, I couldn’t help but wonder how much the attention to detail must have cost. I googled it to discover that Wonder Woman cost $150 million. I wondered with that high production cost, could the movie have even turned a profit? Well, my question was answered in the next paragraph where I learned that the movie has grossed over $820 million since its release.

I paused a moment to consider the colossal budget and whether I felt it was a waste of resources to spend so much money on a film. I thought of all the suffering $150 million could eliminate. Think of how much food we could buy for the hungry, how many homes we could build for the homeless, how much education and training we could provide for the unfortunate. Now, I’m not against entertainment, I just had a moment where I wondered if we spend more on recreation and entertainment than we do on tithing and charity? Personally, I know that the 10+% we pay in tithes and offerings to our church far outweighs the $60 we spent taking our kiddos to see Wonder Woman. So I guess I won’t worry too much about it, especially because it was so fun to watch all these amazing people come together to use their skills, talents, and passion to create such a compelling story.

Overall, I’m glad this movie was made. I’m glad it featured powerful women on the screen and behind the scenes. I love that my daughters got to see it. I love that women everywhere are finding more freedom to pursue their passions. Wonder Women through the ages have made it all possible. I hope to also be a wonder woman, and like all the great women who have fought so bravely for equal rights, carry the torch that will continue to light the way for future generations of women.