On Purpose

I’ve been pondering a lot lately my life’s purpose. Seems like I’m doing a lot of good things in my life, but I feel like I’m not yet doing what would be most personally fulfilling to me. Too much of my day is spent responding like a puppet on strings to everyone else’s desires and needs. If I knew just exactly what I’d rather be doing, I’d dump it all and get to it, but truth be told, I don’t really know exactly what I’d rather be doing. . . .

Scratch that! I do know what I’d rather be doing. I’d rather study all day. I’m such a nerd. I LOVE learning. I LOVED being in school. I have always wanted to get my Ph.D. I don’t really long for those letters anymore because I realize I much prefer to study a bunch of subjects rather than just one, but I do want to devote the majority of my day (at least my 40 hour work week–haha who am I kidding–I work 80 hours work weeks) to study.

I guess I haven’t yet done it because I worry about how studying all day will provide for my family. I know this fear about monetization need not exist because every time I learn something new I dream up some type of product. When I started studying cryptocurrency, I developed the ethereum token and I worked to create a new PVC Satoshi figurine. Next, I dove into dream psychology and my intense focus led to the creation of my dream journal and night writer pens. Currently, I’m enjoying astrology and have a natal chart in the works.

I can spend hours studying and not even notice the time.  Last Saturday, I spent 4 hours straight in my astrology book and only noticed the time when I finally had to use the restroom. It was a total time warp. I want to do that every day and not just every other weekend.

Second to learning is teaching. I get a thrill out of sharing my knowledge. I used to think teaching was so rewarding simply because it was my natural gift. I now know, however, that teaching is just an expression and extension of my learning obsession. For me, there is no better way to learn than to teach. It formally cements the concepts.

I would, however, be lying if I didn’t admit my proclivity for the limelight. I thoroughly enjoy an audience and I do get quite the thrill out of captivating the minds of my audience. I love philosophical conversations and leading deep discussions. I must have been born in a Lyceum in my past life. Athens had to have been my former home.

So what then is my plan? Well, tonight we listened to our Daily Stoic Meditations and it was about the importance of beginning with the end in mind. One must set a direction or else you won’t be able to move toward it nor measure your progress. So my intention or direction is to create my own university curriculum. I want to continue my emphasis in Spirituality, Zen Buddhism, Meditation, Neurology, Dream Psychology, Psychic Phenomenon, and Astrology. I’m going to refrain from listing more because I want to allow my path to unfold as I explore the realms I’m already enthralled with. All of these topics continually lead to others and I am open to going wherever I feel inspired to go.

My intention is to sell KickFire Classics and NutriScience Naturals. I would like to be free from both by January 2018. I would likewise enjoy freeing up my time from KFM. There are so many young ones looking to work for us. I think I will replace myself with one of them. I could maintain ownership and just do occasional consulting and presenting, but the reality is, if I spend my time learning in all these other areas, I will spend less time studying marketing –which means I will quickly fall behind. I won’t be as knowledgeable and effective as a marketing consultant which means I will no longer feel the best in my field–therefore, I would probably not feel comfortable charging $500-1,000 per hour for my time.

I will need to consider a bit more how I would like to proceed with KFM. Perhaps it won’t all feel so overwhelming once I remove some irons from the fire. Regardless, just writing this post on purpose made me feel on purpose. Good Night!

Log “egg” ins

Last night’s dream was rich with meaning. I’m only going to discuss the scenes from 6-7:30. I’m in a new apartment/house. I’m at the stove scrambling and frying eggs and saying I need Tyler’s logins, but it’s really log “egg” ins. I know immediately what this means even within my dream, but allow me to paint the rest of the scene before coming back to that.

I have long hair. In fact, I look just like my mom did when she first married my dad. I have a teenage son who wants to decorate the blank walls of our new house. He has found art relics that are timeless and classic and he’s hanging them. He’s actually pretty good at decorating and I don’t mind what he’s chosen. Some are not appropriate, but he decided not to hang those ones so I’m glad and proud. A few he didn’t center or hang with care, so I’m taking the time now to do so. I like the look of the new decorations. The pictures he decided not to hang were ones that referred to alcohol and other practices we morally didn’t agree with.

I’m busy and a bit stressed, packing up my stuff for my new job. It’s me, but it’s not me because it’s my mom and I’m also her kid. I want to help her because I see she’s so slammed so I ask, “Mom, is there anything I can help you with?” She says no. I feel this desire to connect with her and hope that maybe now that she’s also working like me we can have things in common. “Do you like your new job? and What do you eat for lunch?” I ask. She says she likes it and really likes the place she goes for her salads. I know she probably hates spending the money eating out, but I’m glad she has that to look forward to.

I tell her to have a good day and she heads out the door for her office. I’m left to get the children off to school and I’m helping as best I can because now it’s like I’m the kid mom version of myself. Gwen, Luke and Page are in the too small kitchen. I’m trying to get them their breakfast fed and pack their lunches. I’ve got the eggs on the stove, I’m starting a smoothie and I’m trying to find the cantaloupe for their fruit in the morning. The kitchen is so packed and so is the fridge. I’m reaching in and I see a little bowl of mac and cheese, a Tupperware of left over peaches, heck it looks just like my fridge right now! Completely full after my last trip to Sam’s Club. The kids are all just standing around as I do everything. I’ve got too many irons in the fire.

I’m washing my hands at the sink and thinking how I don’t have enough counter space, I have a huge roll of paper towels hanging for me to dry my hands off on (which is ironic because the past few days in real life we have all been wondering where all the paper towels are). In the midst of this morning chaos, the doorbell rings and it’s the tall neighbor and his daughter with their new great dane dog. I invite them in. Nate Page is playing the guitar on the couch with Luke and the guy tells him to play the Scooby Doobie Doo theme song. I make small talk and am grateful to send them on their way so I can get back to the kitchen and finish getting the kids off to school.

I tell my mom that I’m sorry about all the Progenex supplements that got shipped back from Amazon. They are for a client and I will have them come get them out of here. It’s totally like the blue comets we ordered back from Amazon.

Back in the kitchen, I’m SO hot and it’s easy to figure out why. I’m wearing my KickFire winter coat. I take off the first layer and then realize I’ve left on the shell. I take off the shell next and have a shirt Becky Clifford gave me. I take that off too till I’m just down to my Progenex tee. I still have the tags on it so I try to pull them off without ruining the shirt. Feels so much better now to not have so many cumbersome, hot layers on.

Gwen and Jane come into the kitchen to tell me that they can’t find Harper cuz she’s hiding from them. I have just seen her so I’m not worried. In fact, I want to tell them where she is, but Harper asked me not to so I don’t give away her location, but I do let Jane and Gwen know that she isn’t lost and I’ve seen her. They are relieved and we head off to school.

I am driving Page and Gwen in the GoKart through the Walmart parking lot to the school and I ask them if they grabbed their lunches. They both only have a sandwich and forgot to pack their chips and Capri Sun. I want to get bugged at them, but I can’t because I feel that it’s both of our faults as all my crazy business (whoa, I meant to type busyness) is what caused the disorganization this morning. No worries, I tell them and myself, I can simply go home and get your missing lunch items and bring it to you at school.

And I will end there for a moment to tell you what I think all of this means. For dream interpretation is sometimes super clear and easy. This dream scene is SO obvious to me. Makes me wonder how obvious it would also be to others who sort of know a bit of my current situation?

The log “egg” ins of Tyler’s tip me off that a lot of what is going on in the kitchen and why I’m feeling so “Fried” and “Scrambled” is because of the mess that’s been made with KFC and his disappearance. Ktichens in dreams are said to represent the creative aspects of our lives or our business/work because it’s the area where we cook up ideas and projects. It’s also to me one of the most important places in my house because a majority of my time is spent there cooking and cleaning and caring for my family. To have my kitchen feel too small and jam packed has a double meaning to me:

  1. I’ve got too many projects currently going–from my many business ventures to trying to get the kids ready and off to school. My fridge is jam packed–all with good things, but it makes it super difficult to find what I need.
  2. I need more space and time to pursue the projects I want to pursue. Right now I’m too busy doing everything everyone else wants me to do.

The fact that it’s too hot in the kitchen is cool because I start to strip off my layers which are represented perfectly by my KickFire Marketing coat. As I’ve mentally decided to sell off NSN and KFC which will help greatly simplify my life, I start to feel better in my kitchen.

My teenage son who is decorating our new space is the young rebellious part of me who never got to figure out who I am or what I believe. That is why he’s now taking the initiative to decorate the house with meaningful pictures. I’m careful in selecting the images that represent something meaningful to me and I want them hung right and centered. It’s clear these are my new beliefs.

Luke’s desire to connect with me is similar to my desire to connect with my own mom who must always have also been busy with her own projects, cares, and concerns. I never felt neglected so I hope Luke does not either, but somehow, subconsciously I must feel we are similarly related.

The tall man showing up at the door in the midst of my kitchen chaos with the Great Dane is definitely Dayne Jensen. He and his partner, Adam, are opening new maxillofacial offices here in the Wasatch Front and have asked me to prepare a marketing proposal. The front room where he enters is much more spacious than the crazy kitchen. In fact, the entry is lovely as it hasn’t had the mess created therein that feels like has been created by Tyler in my kitchen. Dayne is truly a “Great” man. I’ve been thoroughly impressed with him. It would be an honor to market for him. Him asking Nate Page (who must represent the road biking athlete, competitive part of me) to play the Scooby Doobie Doo theme song means to me that working with him is going to be fun and delightful. Completely different than working in the chaos of the kitchen.

All the PROGENEX references in my dream remind me that this whole scene has to do with work and that I do still love PROGENEX. Harper represents some of the annoying little things I’m the only one seeing right now surrounding the Seamons situation and my business. I’ve been asked not to tell and I oblige as what do I care as I’m certain others will also discover her soon enough.

Did I mention the song DJ was playing upon awakening was the Carpenter’s song “Sing of good things, not bad. Sing of happy, not sad. Just sing, sing a song.”

That is a great way to go through life. Focusing on the positive. I think it definitely has been my theme song throughout my life and esp. during this crazy, chaotic time. Looking forward to “unpacking” my kitchen and making more space to pursue my own creative projects. Oh and I love how the last dream scene was Luke standing behind me in the kitchen as I turn around from closing the fridge door and I see him. We are in my current kitchen and it’s all spacious, light, clean and spotless. I know it portends simpler times to come.

The Tunnel of Truth

I debated whether to title today’s post The Tunnel of Truth, The Cave of Enlightenment, or Was Eve Deceived?

You’ll shortly see why all these titles were worthy of consideration, but since truth is my aim–and I have an affinity for alliteration–The Tunnel of Truth won the day.

Last night, I told the Sunday School President that I could no longer teach the temple and family history class. He was shocked. I offered to tell the Bishop if that was the proper route. I gave no explanation other than I felt the attendees deserved someone who believed and was passionate about the topic.

I’m not going to tell the Bishop, as I’m confident he will come calling. Plus, I’m not ready to tell him how I feel. I want more time to explore my feelings before making an official declaration. The thought, however, of “coming out of the apostasy closet,” is a relief.  Personally, I prefer to call the process wherein you start to doubt your faith culture “enlightenment,” but then again, I just may be the one who is “under the influence of the adversary,” or the one who is “being deceived by the devil.”

No doubt these are the “last days,” wherein the “very elect shall be led astray.”  Look, I’m no stranger to scripture. I know the prophecies well–don’t think it hasn’t caused me serious contemplation and reservation. How to proceed has not been something I have considered lightly. Even now, I shudder to think, “what if I’m wrong?” BUT then I consider the consequences of being wrong, and the processes I have followed to ensure that I’m not, and I think of my loving Heavenly Father . . . . and since I know that He knows my heart and that He has promised to judge me by it, I am at peace.

A seeker, I am. To know the truth, I must. You see, I prefer to believe in a God who loves all of his children–a Father who does not favor a certain race or certain sex. I worship a God who doesn’t need me to worship Him in some specific, prescribed way. He wants me to worship Him my way. Can it truly be worship any other way? Now, that’s a post for another day. But for now, allow me to tell you my dream, for I went to bed with the request that my Father please teach me and let me not be led astray.

My Dream Scene:

I’m walking into a dark tunnel or cave with Jane. Of course, the character with me is Jane because she is the one who first started asking me hard questions. Questions about our church and our doctrine that I couldn’t adequately answer. “Mom, why do boys have all the power in our church?” “Mom, why can’t girl’s pass the sacrament?” Mom, why can’t girls have the priesthood?” “Mom, why can a man have more than one wife? “Mom, Mom, Mom?” These questions hit me hard! The only one I could relate to was the one about polygamy. Other than that, none of her questions was anything I had ever before considered. I figured if my 10-year-old daughter was this perplexed as to why God loved his little boys more than his little girls, I was going to get her some decent answers. And so I searched. And searched. And found nothing to satisfy the searching soul.

But in my seeking, I did find other tidbits of truth. I discovered Buddhism, The Tao, meditation, Zen Masters, Self-Compassion, Mythology, Joseph Campbell, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Adyashanti, Physics, Hinduism, Astrology, Numerology, Dreams, Spirits, Psychics, Mysticism, Stoicism and so much more. I found a world of truth beyond the small set of scriptures I’ve been diligently studying every single day for 30-60 minutes without fail. At first, I was mad that I had spent so many years reading the same passages out of the same books with such narrow-minded focus. I thought of all the years I had wasted not studying all these other incredible subjects. But I can never stay mad. It’s always such a fleeting feeling for I much prefer happiness. And so I’ve been voraciously reading and consuming ever since–everything I can get my hands on in an attempt to make up for lost time.

I’m learning so much and soaking in truth from every source. I am not yet ready to declare my beliefs–I actually feel that such declarations are unnecessary. My beliefs will hopefully always be changing (see my post on the fluidity of beliefs here), but I do know that right now I don’t believe our church to be the only true church. I actually don’t even believe in organized religion. I am not, however, against it.

I think it is just fine for the world to have different religions and institutions dedicated to helping others and providing a community for like-minded people to organize and serve one another. Organized religions are vehicles designed to help people return to God, but let’s not pretend that one type of vehicle is better than another, or that an individual needs to be in an organized religion in order to travel the road back to God. The direction is key, and all that really matters is love. If we love God and our fellow man we are good to go.

And so into the tunnel or cave Jane and I go. I say to Jane, “How far in you go is how far out you will have to come.” It’s an assurance from my Father in Heaven that even if this tunnel of truth or cave of enlightenment I am entering is wrong, the worst-case scenario is that I will simply have to turn around and come back out the way I came. With that being so, isn’t the exploration worth it? Into the tunnel would you not go?

I’m going! For I know exactly what He’s telling me and I love Him for it. It helps put my perplexing conundrum into perspective. Nothing is truly ever irreparable (see yesterday’s post here).

Inside the tunnel/cave, I come across a brown paper bag. Inside the bag is a crisp, red apple. As I pull it out, temple language and scripture course through my mind. “Thou must eat of the fruit of the tree,” “Thou shall have knowledge” “Thine eyes shall be opened and you shall be as the gods, knowing good and evil.” I know exactly what this means. Was Eve Deceived? or was she enlightened? Christian dogma on this particular point of doctrine has changed over time as women have gained more rights. What once was seen as a sin of Eve, is now heralded as an enlightened choice. What some may see as my choice to partake of the “forbidden fruit” as a sin, may shortly be heralded as a courageous choice to gain additional enlightenment. Breaking free from prescribed beliefs is a huge leap of faith. Some may already be crying “Blasphemy, Janelle, blasphemy! A gentle breeze inside the cave confirms to my heart, “the ignorance is theirs, not mine” for I feel that God is telling me in my dream that my choice to partake of the fruit is one of enlightenment (not deceit) and will lead me, like my mother Eve, to greater knowledge, truth, and sight.

Jane is now sitting on the floor by our front door trying on tennis shoes. They are too small. We will order another pair as we need to find a shoe that fits just right. One that’s not too tight.

Anyone familiar with the beginning of my dream will understand why the character here is once again Jane. And anyone familiar with dream interpretation knows the universal meaning of shoes, feet, and soles. Feet represent the direction we are moving in life, our ability to act, and move. Shoes have soles and are therefore symbolic representations of our souls. Trying on different shoes is definitely what I’m doing right now and the whole tunnel/cave,  apple, and the search for the right fit for my soul all make total sense. Especially as I consider the last thoughts that float across my mind as I awaken:

The end justifies the means

the line is played backward as well

the means justify the end

and everything has finally come full circle. If entering the tunnel of truth or cave of enlightenment is the wrong thing to do in my search for truth, I will find out rather quickly that there just ain’t nothing in there worth pursuing. At that time, I will simply need to turn around and come back out. And since truth is my ultimate “end” goal, and my heart is in the right place, then whatever “means” I end up employing to gain it will be well worth it. Would you not be willing to lose your soul in order to find it? Did not Jesus say, “He that loseth his life for my sake shall find it?”

In the end, truth is like Rome. . . all roads lead to it.

The end justifies the means and the means justifies the end.

Beautifully simple and simply Beautiful! Thank God for my dreams!

Near Death Experiences

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the instant transformations of Saul and Alma the Younger. I wonder if what they experienced were near-death experiences?

I want to consider the case of Alma the Younger. Remember how he is confronted by an angel as he goes about seeking to destroy the church of God. Well in Alma 36 you can read the entire account, but I find verses 12-17 very similar to many accounts I have been reading about the “life review” part of near-death experiences.  It seems that those who die experience this panoramic playback of their life wherein they see how all their actions, both good and bad, impacted others. The times they performed less than stellar sear their souls, whereas the times they behaved benevolently fills them with joy.

Listen to the words of Alma:

there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains.  . . . on the otherhand, there can be nothing so so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

He then proceeds to detail how he thought he saw God sitting on his throne surrounded by numberless concourses of angels. And his soul did long to be there.

Alma returns from his coma or near death like state a changed man.  He spends the rest of his life serving and loving others. As I wrote yesterday, one of the hallmarks of a near death experience is that the person experiences some sort of transformation for the better. They become more spiritually in tune. Their thoughts are elevated and they have a deep sense of purpose. They are less materialistic and more concerned with the good of all mankind.

It reminds me of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Scrooge has a mystical dream experience wherein he learns the errors of his ways. Angelic ministers teach him that “mankind is his business” and he awakes a changed man. His deep sleep results in a kinder, gentler, generous, magnanimous man.

As I wondered yesterday, must we wait to die to experience this transformation? Or can self-awareness kill the natural man a little more each day? I believe that as we review our lives daily we can kill that which is not worthy of living within us. We will become better each day until that perfect day when we have no more darkness in us. We will be beings of complete and total light. Hmm, which reminds me, tomorrow I want to write about the beauties of beholding the bad. 

Shadows and Light

I wrote yesterday about my dream and conversation with a friend and promised today to write more about my dream and what it means. Today’s post is entitled Shadows and Light because yesterday, when I awoke, the lingering words in my head were:

Remember to position things in the best possible light and to always look at things from every angle. Changing the light changes the shadows and creates a whole new picture.

After my dream scene where we were in a classroom trying to position objects in the best possible light so we could shade the shadows and such, my dream shifted to a new scene where my husband was wearing a trench coat. He opened up his trench coat to reveal myriad pockets sewn on the inside full of wares. He reminded me of some bootleg seller on the streets of NY.  I wrote theses words in my dream journal:

Things are not always as they appear. You have to open up and look inside–look at things in a different light.

My dream scene shifts again to me in my garage gym doing sit-ups. The following thoughts course through my mind:

Fast and efficient or slow and controlled?  Which is better?

I write that there is a time, reason, season and purpose for both approaches.

My next scene is my husband cutting his thumb with my big black buck knife. He’s checking his blood just like a diabetic would do. Then there is a lady pointing to her arm where you draw blood and she is telling me to get over there and get my blood drawn. I know what this means. My primary care doctor says my thyroid is off and I need to get my blood checked. I made an appt today to get a comprehensive blood exam with Dr. Knight. I was planning to have my cancer doctor do it when I go in for my check up next month, but the lady said to me, “You must arrange blood work months in advance. You can’t wait until the day of.” This makes me laugh because that was my plan. I was just going to show up and have Dr. Colona do it.

I want to remember the following ideas from last night’s dream:

Remember the different approaches to life–fast and efficient vs. slow and controlled–and when/how to use them.

Always cast things in the best possible light and remember the role of light in casting shadows. Perspective and angles change everything.

There was another dream scene that tied both of these together. We were at a political event. My uncle was up for re-election and his wife was casting the other candidates in not the best light. I really didn’t want to vote the way she was directing us, but since she was family and friend, I took one for the team and cast my vote accordingly. Which also made a lot of sense considering the dream scene before this one. I was in a baseball game and it was my turn to bat. My coach wanted me to bunt, but I knew I could get a good hit. I had done a great hit the last time I was up to bat. I decided I’d better listen to the coach and take one for the team.

I would love to walk away from KickFire sometimes now that Tyler is gone, but I know he needs me to hold it all together now more than ever. I have decided to take one for the team. I don’t really wanna. . . but I will hold down the fort and I will position the situation in the best possible light. 🙂

The Best Possible Light

I had a really cool dream last night. I woke up thinking “Remember to always position things in the best possible light.” It had everything to do with the conversation I was having with a friend before I went to bed, and definitely, applies to myriad other situations going on in my life.

My friend is going through a divorce. Divorce is hard and so emotionally draining. Stress and worry about the finances, the children, and the future run rampant. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but once it comes, it’s best to not resist, and trust that all will work out for the best. Life, and God are good like that. Everything always works together for our good, and everything is always as it should be.

My friend was having an especially rough day and texted me for some comfort. I want to put some of my words here for safe keeping as they were truly expressive of the many things I have learned through my divorce and current role as co-parent.

Janelle Page:

one thing I learned from my divorce–that continues to bless me–is that everything always works out, and everything is always as it should be

everything works together for our ultimate good


Yes thanks for those kind words

Janelle Page:

God loves us all so much

he wants to bless us and he wants us to be happy


That gives me strength

Janelle Page:

so while this time is very hard for you right now, there is so much goodness coming down the pipeline. . . sometimes all the sludge and crud has to get pushed through so the still, pure waters can come pouring through


That means a lot to me.

Janelle Page:

It means a lot to me too

I’m grateful we are friends

you are blessing my life


Me too. You are amazing

I look up to you

Janelle Page:

reminding me of some of the hard times makes me remember how blessed I’ve been and continue to be


You are so encouraging

Janelle Page:

it’s kind of fun to think that the Lord brings people into our lives at just the most perfect times.

I always tell my kids there are no coincidences… .unless you define  a coincidence as a circumstance in which God chooses to make himself known


Ooh. I love those sentences

You are right. You came into my life at this time for a reason.

Janelle Page:

As did your husband. We are all teaching each other important lessons… Your husband–and soon to be former spouse–will continue to teach you some of the most valuable lessons of your life. He will show you how strong you are and help you to become an even more incredible woman.


Wow you are amazing

Janelle Page:

And you will very soon be able to see him as such. Once all the anger and hurt subsides … .compassion and love will hold strong. It’s okay to be angry, hurt and emotional for now–so totally normal and needed. I believe you’ve got to grieve the death of your relationship, and what you had hoped to be your future.


Love for him?

Janelle Page:

you still love him

or else you wouldn’t be so mad at him and hurt


Yes, I see

Janelle Page:

people who we don’t care about never cause us this much pain


That makes sense

Janelle Page:

you invested so much time with him. He’s a part of you, and your children


Yes. That’s true

Janelle Page:

but don’t feel like you have to be there yet. .. just remember our conversation when you are 5 years down the road 😉


I can’t even look at him

Janelle Page:

totally normal

and not wrong or evil

he’s hurt you and your children

and he isn’t showing any remorse

that’s hard


Yes 😢

Janelle Page:

and now he’s being a butt. . demanding things that seem so unreal and so unfair

so hard to keep giving when you’ve already given so much

Janelle Page:

just remember that everything will work out. . .this too will pass. . . God is at the helm and you will continue to thrive. . . you have always made your life happy and that isn’t going to stop now. . so come what may and you will still love it!

You aren’t going to let him take away the only thing you really have. .  your power to choose how you will react in any given situation. . .this is still your life. . and it is just about to get even more epic now that you are finally able to know what direction the both of you are moving. .. away from each other where there has been too much pain and manipulation, toward freedom, and a chance to redefine the relationship for the better


That was great advice. I will be re-reading these texts from you every day

Janelle Page:

Just keep praying for the Lord to lead you along and He will. You will know what to do, and things will work out


Thank you!

Janelle Page:

the Lord wants what is best for your children too because let’s face it. . they’re his children

and he cares about them more than you

I don’t mean that in a mean way. . I’m just saying they are ultimately his

He’s super invested

so you can take that to the bank and put it in his hands

He knows ultimately what will serve you, your husband, and your children best in the end, so you keep listening to that Holy Ghost and doing what He says, and then, whatever happens, will be just as it should be and just how God wants it to be


That is a wonderful way to think

Janelle Page:

you will feel all the better for it. .. and when you really want to tell him what you think and where to go. . come punch my boxing bag or scream into your pillow 😉


sorry to keep you up thanks for the great advice you really brightened my day

Janelle Page:

I thoroughly enjoyed EVERY single minute! Thanks  for thinking of me and for sharing your struggles. . .a shared struggle is so much better than struggling alone. Thanks for reminding me of all I’ve learned



Beautifully said ❤️hugs

I know time will heal

Janelle Page:

yes time heals all wounds.. .. or maybe it’s just that when the pain lessens we are better able to see

it’s really hard to look around and see all the good things when our leg is gashed and gushing blood

in this case. . it’s more like our heart is gashed and gushing blood haha

it’s not just a flesh wound

(monte python quote) 😉


So well said.

Good night 💤

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Janelle Page:

xoxoxo .. . . . . it’s the worst feeling. . . I know. . . . I wish I could take it from you. . . just know I’ll be praying for you and wishing you SWEET dreams. .

and I’m sorry you have to go through this. . .but I’m also excited for you


I am serious seriously going to read these text every time I feel these emotions and I’m going to use them for strength thanks again


Janelle Page:

it’s hard. ..  but everything hard I’ve ever done has always paid incredible dividends. . .


I will have faith

Janelle Page:

me too! This is a totally treasurable thread!

Faith is something you have!


You made my day

Janelle Page:

and just remember it is okay for your faith to falter. . in fact, it is when your faith falters, that Jesus really rescues. .

just think of Peter walking on the water. . .

it wasn’t until he despaired and started to sink that the Savior reached forth his hand to save him and lift him up


Amazing truly amazing

Janelle Page:

sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and expect ourselves to behave perfectly. . . go ahead and be mad and doubt and get scared and worried.. . the crazier it gets, the more fun it must be for God. I have to imagine He loves the crazy. . because then His miracles appear even more AMAZING!


post that on your bathroom mirror


😂😱love it

We will talk some more soon thanks again. And I know it wasn’t an accident that you came into my life

Good night

Janelle Page:

right back at ya my friend xoxox I’m so in your corner! sleep tight!

And then my epic dream and the words I awoke with totally on my mind:

Remember to always position things in the best possible light!

I will expound on what exactly that means and my entire dream in tomorrow’s blog post.

Psychic or Psycho

I had a fun experience the other night. I was telling my friend about dream work and she was telling me about her best friend that passed away a couple of years ago. I told her she should connect with her in her dreams. I told her a few ways how. And then I asked to see a picture of her grandma and to know her name and then I told her I’d try to connect with her too.

So I wrote down some questions in my dream journal before drifting off to sleep and as I entered my hypnagogic state I started experiencing rapid flashes of images, thoughts, ideas… all in a very telepathic way. I grabbed my journal and started recording some of them. I did that for about 30 minutes and then I awoke in the early morning hours and wrote down some more transmissions and then once again as I came out of sleep I experienced an abundance. I wondered if what I had received was psychic or psycho?

The only way to know would be to ask my friend. I decided I would do it later and in person. But my husband told me I shouldn’t wait and should just ask her so, after two days, I decided I did indeed want to know. So I sent her a text where I just basically copied and pasted what I had written down in my dream journal and I waited for her to reply . . . and she did:

Who are you?!

I told her “your psycho friend!” haha. She then proceeded to tell me all the ways I had literally nailed it. It was really remarkable as I’ve never tried this with someone else before. I always have cool dreams and record them each morning. I’ve communed with dead people, but never on someone else’s behalf.  It was SO rewarding. I do believe in ESP and psychic powers. I don’t believe anyone ever really dies, they just change form. I found this to be such a comforting experience because last night as I wondered what I would do without Tyler, I felt such a comforting peace knowing that he would be here to always run this company with me whether he was here physically or not. Pretty rad thought—psychic or psycho? Psycho, definitely not!

Brain Dreams

I’ve been having Brain Dreams–all about hurting heads. The first night after learning about Tyler’s brain tumor I dreamt of my computerized piano that I love and it was malfunctioning . .. it’s “brain” was broken and I was crying because I loved my piano and I was telling Cory and my brother Ryan, who were in the room with me, that it can still play and makes the most beautiful music. .. it just has a “Brain” problem right now. I was taking such care to dust it off and straighten up all the papers that were scattered on it (that was so symbolic of me having to sort through Tyler’s emails and figure out where in the heck all the passwords and stuff I didn’t know was etc.) .. . and of course Tyler would be my computerized piano because he is the smart computer guy who makes music and I LOVE my computerized piano. ..like one of my prized possessions

and then last night I dreamt all about Tyler’s wife:

In my dream there was this woman and she was lying on the couch with a headache. . had been taking pills for life support and depression but now her head pain was nothing compared to his and she was telling me how she needed to be strong and not fragile and her trash can was so small but overflowing with trash so I offered to take it out and I couldn’t believe it but we were watching another lady on TV who had her head shaved from a brain tumor and she was covering it with cellophane and was saying how she didn’t look as beautiful anymore on that side of her head. It was all too close to home.

Needless to say, T is on my mind–hence the brain dreams–as is his entire family.

Dreams About Money

Do you ever have dreams about money? In case you do, I’ll share with you a question a friend asked me. Hopefully, it will give you a little insight into some dream psychology and help you in your quest to learn a little more about yourself and what your subconscious is trying to tell you.


Is it true that you will lose money if you dream about it?

Janelle Page:

Oooh, what a great question! Let me tell you what I’ve learned concerning dreams about money.

First, a dream about money can mean many things because money symbolizes something different for every person. To one person, money can mean freedom, to another power, to another greed, to another happiness, to another security, etc.

So what I would suggest is the next time you have money appear in your dream, pay attention to what is happening to the money in the dream. For examples, are you organizing the money, are you short on money, are you swimming in money, etc.?

A dream about losing money in an upcoming investment you are making could mean you are being warned that it might not be a good investment choice. The other night, I dreamed that I had a wallet fat with money and I was giving everyone tips, and then my wallet wasn’t so fat, but I still had very large bills in there . . . some were backward and facing the wrong direction and I was taking the time to straighten out the bills and put them all facing the same way. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but later I realized it had nothing to do with money, but was about me dispensing advice (aka “tips”) to people. You see, I like to share ideas, and my dream was telling me that what I often share with others also enriches them and doesn’t leave me the poorer . . .as the bills I still had left were large number bills like $100s and $50s.

The straightening of the money was telling me that I like to make sure the “tips” I am sharing are as correct as possible, so that is why in my dream I was laboriously taking the time to straighten out the bills and make them right.

SO, I wouldn’t worry about losing money just because you dream about it. .. instead I would try to find out why my subconscious is using money as the dream symbol to teach me and what it is trying to say.

One thing I do believe about money or any talent we have . . .  the more we are generous with it, the more we acquire. So your mom may be on to a true principle when she feels that if you fear losing money you will, because it’s probably best for God’s children (the Father of Abundance) to live with the abundance mentality rather than scarcity and fear.

Does that make sense?


Thank you. That information helps. Yes, that makes sense.

Janelle Page:

Have a great night and SWEET DREAMS!

Dream Scenes from the Lifescape

My favorite part of the sleep cycle is the hypnogogic and hypnopompic state where I’m coming in and out of sleep. I experience the most remarkable dream scenes from my lifescape. Oh and I just now made up that term “Dream Scenes from the Lifescape”–actually, the phrase flowed out of this transitional state and it perfectly encapsulates the experience.

Everyone experiences the hypnogogic and hypnopompic states, but most people aren’t aware. I’ve always found inspiration in the early waking hours and coming in and out of sleep (nap time, bedtime, early morning time). What happens is my brain connects the dots from the days’ experience and as it sorts and files I see symbolic, vivid dream images, and hear fantastic phrases. Sometimes I grab my journal and quickly record them, but most of the time, I don’t want to stop the flow of ideas so I let them come and hope I’ll remember some.

This morning, I’m coming in and out of sleep from 6:48 till 7:45. I’m seeing Spencer and Matt go into the men’s room just as they did last night at the concert. I see two rolls of toilet paper in the dispenser side by side. I imagine it will be hard for the paper to come out when the rolls are so tight, but they come out alright.

Next thing I know there is a tabby cat that streaks across the field. It’s actually a kitten, but it’s lightning fast. Reminds me of Becky Clifford’s conversation about living next to an open field with feral cats.

Then, Michelle Barber is lowering me down on a tree root that is as strong as a rope (we were in her Family Search office last night so the tree root-like rope makes total sense).  We are both spiritual seekers on a truth and self-discovery quest so helping each other negotiate the precipitous decent makes perfect sense.  As I plumb the depths I assure us both that the rope like tree root will be strong enough to allow safe resurfacing when the deep dive is done so long as we still possess the physical strength to climb out.

I’m at the Conference Center Cafeteria (is there even one? No, but this isn’t about physical food, it’s about being fed and has everything to do with the MoTab concert last night). The line of people is SO long and we are worried that they will close the cafeteria before we have time to eat. Fortunately, we have Matt who has a secret pass enabling us to bypass all the people. Somehow Page and I get separated from Matt and the rest of the kids and we figure we better get in line while there is a break, and before the huge rush of people come. I’m having a hard time locating the plates, and when I do I worry they may be too small to hold sufficient food to do the filling. I’m excited because they are serving Cafe Rio and that’s my favorite.

I tell Page to go tell Matt to come now and hurry as there is no line. I head for the beginning of the buffet line, but my hands are too full. These white bed sheets are slowing me down (feels like a huge linen tablecloth actually). I decide to set some stuff down and I’m dropping and bumbling everything as I do so. I finally get my hands free just as Matt and the rest of the kids show up.

There were many more scenes. Mark Twain/Einstein showing up in their pure white suit–that looks like the suit from the temple clothing. I say, “My father’s suit no longer suits me.”

And my children in a swimming pool and I think to myself, not say aloud, “I like how there are no waves and the water is much calmer, and how it’s self-contained.”

All of these dream snippets have meaning for me. Some I understand quickly and others I know there is even deeper meaning.  The messages from each and every dream scene are from actual everyday experiences–in many cases, from life experiences the day before. The dream scenes from the lifescape teach and touch me deeply. I’m grateful for this transitional stage where my subconscious shares its thoughts. I learn much and believe it is personal revelation!