Today was awesome! I was able to spend the entire day in Kamas with Stephen Palmer learning Heartspace™. It was an intimate gathering at Ann Webb’s home. If I had to sum up Heartspace™ in a tidy little sentence I’d say it’s a system for owning your emotions and sitting with them in self-compassion. Understanding your emotions, triggers, and learning to sit with your feelings instead of running from them or covering them up with unhealthy behaviors is the key to living a life free of suffering. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We are all broken–life breaks all of us. Heartspace™ teaches you how to acknowledge your imperfections and the imperfections of others and how to interact from a safe place–the heart. Heartspace™ is all about getting out of your logical head where you seek to blame and into your heart where you can uncover your core wounds and emotional triggers.
There are five steps in moving from headspace to Heartspace™:
Step 1) Separate suffering from pain
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Learn to make observations and refrain from interpretations for it is in the stories we tell that suffering is born. For example, your dad may have spanked you with a belt. That’s an observation and it could have caused physical pain. BUT, telling yourself a story about how your dad doesn’t love you and shouldn’t have spanked you with a belt, blah blah blah, is adding insult to injury. Your interpretation of the events leads you into the suffering swamp. Don’t go there. are you experiencing pain or suffering
Step 2) Take responsibility for your suffering
Once you realize that your interpretation is causing unnecessary suffering, STOP the story making!
Your dad spanked you with a belt. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It doesn’t say one thing about you or him. You can’t even know what it means. It just is. He spanked you.
Step 3) Trace your headspace symptoms back to the original pain
Release the hardness of headspace and move into the vulnerability of heartspace™
What happened to you as a child or what is your core wound that is causing an emotional trigger in you as an adult?
In our group, a gentleman shared how he feels like his wife doesn’t love him because she never expresses appreciation. Because she doesn’t affirm him he’s always feeling like he isn’t good enough. The feeling “I’m not good enough” goes all the way back to his days as a missionary when his girlfriend chose someone else over him to marry. He carries that wound into his marriage and anytime he feels “unappreciated” it triggers his core wound of “I’m not good enough.”
Step 4) Move into your pain by saying the thing that is hardest to say
open your heart to vulnerability
you know you’ve touched it when it makes you cry
say what’s causing the pain “I feel unsafe,” and then state the need “I need to be safe.”
For the gentleman in our class, he realized that he doesn’t feel good enough. He thought his wife didn’t love him, but not feeling loved is not an emotion so he had to dig deeper. Just like peeling layers from an onion, the gentleman was able to discover that he really was carrying the core wound of “Not good enough.” Realizing this empowered him and his wife. He can now own his emotional pain and not keep blaming his wife for not making him feel appreciated.
Step 5) Hold your pain in self-compassion
STAY don’t move away from the pain—move into it and embrace it
The gentleman in our gathering was able to sit with this “painful” realization that his girlfriend (over 40 years ago) choosing someone else, had left him broken and was causing emotional triggers with his wife. This newfound awareness brought him to tears. All these years he has been blaming his wife for not making him feel loved and appreciated when in reality he had a core wound of not feeling good enough. Without acknowledging that core wound and holding his hand to the flame so to speak was he able to take back his power. Now he has the insight to improve his relationship with himself and his wife.
Sit and cry when you find that pain. Hold it in self-compassion. For some reason, our culture has taught us that crying, sadness, etc. are weak and should be avoided. Not so. Face the feelings and they will eventually pass. Suppress them, run from them, project them and you will stay stuck in suffering.
Finally, how do you interact with someone who is in pain? Well, you don’t need to try to fix it. There is nothing “wrong” with pain. I really liked the idea of simply expressing love and letting them know you are there for them if they want or need you.
A simple statement such as:
“Dear one, I am here for you”
says it all.
I love it. Creating space in your heart to hold your pain in self-compassion. Allowing others the space they need to process their pain. Seeing each other’s hearts. Allowing and loving. Letting go of judgment. Allowing pain to create space in your heart–space that can be filled with joy and love.
I loved being with these enlightened beings. I can hardly wait to see how our paths continue together.
p.s. today we bought a cow and named it Heartspace™ It will go to a widow in Africa and it will allow her to feed her family and put her children through college. That’s amazing!