Joy

This is my friend Joyce, but I sometimes call her Joy because she brings me so much joy. Today we got haircuts. Joyce wanted to cut her hair short like mine.

Joyce never leaves her house. In fact, she rarely leaves her chair. This is where she sits all day and sleeps all night. Joyce hadn’t had a haircut in almost a decade. I love visiting Joyce because she is always happy. She never complains. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and I’m grateful I know her. She is a blessing to me and my family. I never will forget the joy I experienced with Joyce today as I helped my friend cut her hair.

Life Fair

I cried today. I was watching some videos of my friend Tyler as he rang the bell at the hospital celebrating his last day of radiation. I then watched the video of him getting to come home from the hospital after spending 3 months there. I saw him break down and cry as he sang along with the music ringing through the hospital hall corridors, “I will walk again.”

I cried because I was just finishing my yoga routine. I can do yoga and he is in a wheelchair. I cried because I just landed a killer new job and Tyler can no longer work. I cried because I miss him. Tyler Seamons was the best business partner and friend I could ever have hoped for and now I don’t get to work with him nor do I get to interact with him every day. I felt the unfairness of it all. I felt guilty that I was enjoying so much abundance and he was experiencing so much pain. I know this too shall pass–the good and the bad–for the both of us, but it still caused the tears to flow.

I’m even crying again now as I write. I have tried so hard to do right by him and his family. I’ve worried about how to continue to care for them and handle all their financial needs. I try not to feel guilty for the blessings that have come my way nor to count the trials they are experiencing as cursings for I know it is all part of this grand adventure we call life. I know I have been blessed because of this experience and I know his family is being blessed too. I have enjoyed seeing his and Rebecca’s relationship flower. I love seeing Jason wipe food off of his father’s chin. I loved seeing Lucy come in the front room and hug him in his wheelchair and say, “I love you Dad,” before running off to play. I will NEVER forget these tender scenes. Never, not ever!

I know that while life doesn’t seem fair, it really is. Life is fair because we all get exactly what we need. We all receive the lessons we need to learn in order to become our best. I’m grateful for Tyler. I’m grateful for the lessons these shared experiences are teaching us. I feel so blessed to have him in my life. I’m grateful for the time we’ve had together. I hope for much more, but honestly, I don’t know that he will be with us much longer. I feel that he might have other places to go. Oh, Tyler, God bless you and your sweet family. I love you all so!

Anniversary Numerology

Today is my 2 year anniversary. I cannot believe it has already been 2 years and yet I feel like we’ve always been together.

So far, it’s been an incredible ride! My eyes have been opened and I’ve realized that there is more than one way to skin a cat.  The things I’ve learned from my relationship with my new husband has impacted my parenting, my ideologies, and how I interact with the world at large. He is a great teacher, and I hope the lessons are not yet finished for I feel I still have so much to learn.

Something funny is that Matt and I picked our marriage date because of numerology. I was originally planning on 10-10-2015. I was first drawn to this date because it was a Saturday and because I LOVE double digits–they’re lucky. However, Grant, my future father-in-law, suggested we should get married on his birthdate which is 10-8. Debbie explained that 10-8 is a very lucky day because it contains the numbers 1-0-8. According to numerologists, this is the perfect and most beautiful sequence because it stands for one thing (1), nothing (0), and everything (8 turned sideways is the infinity sign).

I thought that was the coolest thing I’d ever heard so we readily assented. We booked the Ogden Temple for Thursday, October 8th.

2 years ago I knew relatively nothing about numerology. Who knew that it would now fascinate me beyond measure? There are certainly no coincidences. I was married in a 3 personal year and Matt was married in 11/2. Both very good numbers for a happy, fulfilling marriage. We are just now coming out of an 8 anniversary year which is one full of business and financial success, and we are now entering a 9 anniversary year which is a time of endings and completions. It will be interesting to see which projects we bring to a close in 2018 and what we give birth to in 2019. These are definitely exciting times!

I’m grateful for a relationship that began as one thing, sometimes feels like nothing, and still has the potential to become everything. If I had to pick again, I’d still choose him!

Compliments to the Cook

Tonight we had the best FHE ever! We all went down to visit T in the hospital. My kids have been begging to go see Tyler ever since he came home. Tonight was finally the night.

I told Rebecca I would grab her kids and bring them down with us and dinner. My first thought was to just grab pizza and then I figured a nice home cooked meal would probably be better. I imagine they’ve had a lot of fast food and pizza the past few months. I’m so glad I went with my gut because Tyler never stopped gushing about how delicious it was.

I made a cream cheese chicken sauce that we served over rice. We had salad, french bread, and then chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I knew Tyler would love the cookies as he loves any dessert. He kept asking for seconds and after 3 cookies Rebecca told him he’d better be done. That was when he started using his Oreo coaxing on me. He looked right over Rebecca and said, “Janelle, can I please have another cookie?” How am I supposed to say no to that? I had to look away. He kept asking. Finally, he said, “Okay, just one-half of a cookie?”

I couldn’t tell him no so I suggested that we all go for a walk and then he could have one when we got back. He liked that idea and so we all went out to the labyrinth where we were able to wheel his chair around and around. It was fun. And yes, the instant we returned to the hospital, he asked for his cookie. Fortunately, someone had polished them all off while we were out and about so I could legitimately tell him there were no more. He was crestfallen so I told him I’d make it up to him by bringing homemade brownies the next time I came to visit. He said, “That will be perfect.”

Such a fun night with my favorites. Here are just a few highlights from my FB post recording the night:

FHE with some of our favorites! I have never had so many compliments on my cooking. Tyler still loves food and the steroids make him super hungry. He told me to bring him some svêlo to suppress his appetite lol. He likes going for walks and I like watching Rebecca take such good care of him. To me, she’s the miracle! I am so impressed with her faith, optimism, sense of humor, and strength. Jane bought Tyler a cancer bracelet. He let her put it on and said he might not take it off. He’s the best! Always so thoughtful and kind. He asked all about KickFire and today they did let him get on his laptop. My heart jumped for joy when I saw him like my Facebook box jump post. He begged me for more cookies and I reminded him that last time I almost killed him with the Oreos. He said it was totally worth it! He’s getting stronger every day and he did make Larry (his dead left arm) slide a few inches on the table. Guess Larry isn’t all the way dead! He misses you all and cannot wait to go home. He’s still so much fun and so kind. Cancer can’t keep T down. #fighter#FunTimes #FHE @ Intermountain Medical Center

Love you T! Thanks for all the compliments to the cook! Still great at making me feel like a million bucks! xoxo

Groovy Grooming

Tonight was a lot of fun. Me, Page, Jane, and Gwen had a little party while the boys attended the priesthood session. We went shopping, got some dinner and then decided to groom Thor.

It took us a solid 2 hours and it was pretty strenuous. Thor was a good sport, and I no longer consider $60 to be too much to pay our groomer lol.

I am grateful I was able to spend that time in that tiny bathroom with Page. She is such a fun girl. Thor looks great now, and best of all, he’s sleeping in her bedroom for the first time. I like the idea of him being able to stay inside during the winter. I feel so sad sending him outside when it’s so cold. He really is the most delight animal. God is really great for sending him to us.

It’s late now and I’m tired. I’m really looking forward to my dreams tonight. I can’t help but think I might be shaving a god all night long. Oh and I’m really excited about tomorrow morning for we are going to see the largest gathering of monks in the history of Utah. The Buddhist temple in Ogden is being dedicated and they are having a huge community celebration. I’m sure I’ll be writing more about it tomorrow. Good night!

Papa Cal

Today I was able to attend the funeral services for Cal Richards, affectionately known as “Papa Cal.” He truly was a Mountain of a Man and the spirit felt was amazing!

Three stories that I shared with my children last night that touched me were:

When Michelle was in college she played an April Fool’s Day prank on her dad. She pretended she had wrecked his brand new Yukon. Her father paused on the phone, took 2 deep breaths, and replied, “I’m so grateful no one was hurt, and I’m so grateful you had the courage to call and tell me.”  No explosive outburst, just genuine concern for the welfare and character of all involved. That’s darn impressive.

Second, when Papa Cal was in residency his parents and younger sister came to visit. They went to the beach for the day. Papa Cal’s sister, 17 years old, was swept away and drowned in the ocean that day. They searched all day for her and as the rescue party disbanded they offered a prayer wherein it began with “We are so grateful for this day. . . ” Impressive.

Finally, Papa Cal was a vet. One night he rushed to the hospital to meet a young mother with 3 children. Their beloved dog had been hit by a car and had a bad break. Dad told the woman it would be best to put the dog down. Jake, his eldest son, who was 5 at the time, went in the back room with his pa wherein he begged him to save the dog. He cried, “I’ll pay for the surgery. I know you can save him.” Both had recognized the poverty of the woman before them and Cal explained to his son that the mother needed to take the money she would spend on the surgery and buy shoes for her children. Papa Cal cared deeply about animals, but what’s neat is he cared more about humans.

There were so many stories I loved hearing that touched me deeply. Papa Cal owning myriad pairs of hiking boots–one of which sits right here by my side as I type this post–I feel honored to have it in my possession and plan to keep it as a reminder of how I’d like to climb my mountains. Papa Cal never stopped summitting. He didn’t feel well the last 25 years of his life as he battled liver disease, but one would never know it. He laced up his boots every day, went to work, and served spectacularly. No doubt he’s loving this next adventure.

I can’t wait to give Michelle the gift we put together. I’m so grateful for the inspiration that came as I pondered what would be most meaningful and comforting to her. I knew it was cool, but after yesterday, I know we nailed it.

Here’s to blazing new trails Papa Cal!

T Time

Today was one of the happiest days of my life! I was able to finally see T! It has been over 3 months since I last saw him and it was a most joyous reunion. One I never want to forget. Here are some pics and videos that say it all:

I had so much fun with him today! I’ll never forget making him do his exercises and him telling me that I just made him pee himself. I was feeding him Oreos too and he started to choke and we were laughing so hard. We talked about business. I showed him the Obtineo video and he loved it! He loved our event landing page too. Rebecca was there for a good hour and then had to leave. She amazed me! She was handling everything with perfect equanimity and grace. She is a miracle for him right now too!

I was so glad I was there when the Neurologist showed up. She told Tyler about his diagnosis. I was able to hear her tell him that he had a good square inch of his frontal lobe removed. The area that controls his executive function. I knew he had a tumor the size of a racquet ball removed, but I had no idea they had removed some of his brain. I told Rebecca and she also did not know. The doctor said he would begin radiation next week and that his prognosis was not good. She said he would most likely not ever walk again and would be confined to a wheelchair and had a year if he was lucky. Tyler told her he had 4 kids. She said she knew that. I was rubbing his back and arm the entire time. I was SO grateful to be there holding him up as he received that news.

I told him who cares what the docs say.  I told him that if God wants him dead, he will die. If God wants him alive, he will survive, and even thrive! He looked me in the eyes and said, “I’m not afraid of death.” I said, “I know. And I’m not afraid either.” I told him to remember our pact. He asked what our pact was. I told him we promised each other we’d come visit each other after we die. He said yes and then we shook on it. 🙂

Tyler thanked the doctor for telling him the truth. He said no one had told him yet that he had stage 4 brain cancer and that he was going to die.

After the doctor left I told him we are all going to die. He laughed and we both made jokes about dying. It was fun. It changed nothing and yet it has already changed everything. But that change took place over a month ago when I first heard about his tumor. My heart knew then, as it does now, that Tyler is 100% in God’s hands. There’s not a better place to be. I’m going to support and love Tyler on this journey. It’s going to be a fun one for all of us. He’s so damn tough. And he’s just the best guy ever so when he does die, I’m not worried about him one bit. He’s already pure as gold. Thank you God for today. Thank you God for Tyler.

We told each other we love each other at least 5 times. I’ll never forget my T time today.

Oh and how fitting that once I got back to my car, FB posted this photo to my timeline:

Divine Serendipity!

Bring Him Home

My writing today consisted of putting together this press release in an effort to Bring Him Home!

World Renowned Inventor of Donald Trump Ball and KickFire Classics Toy Line Stranded and In Serious Condition

Emergency efforts are underway to transport partially paralyzed Tyler Seamons back home for medical treatment in Salt Lake City, Utah

Tyler Seamons, COO KickFire Marketing, was living the dream this summer as he worked abroad with his family of 6 in his beloved Italy. In late July, two weeks before their scheduled return, Seamons awoke with a crushing migraine that led to violent vomiting. Tyler was rushed to the hospital where an MRI revealed a mass the size of a racquetball in his frontal lobe. Emergency surgery was scheduled where 95% of the tumor was successfully removed. Unfortunately, the diagnosis came back as Stage IV brain cancer–glioblastoma.

Janelle Page, KickFire Marketing CEO, declared, “The news is devastating. Tyler Seamons is not only my right-hand man, he’s also my business partner and best friend. I’m still in shock! I miss him terribly and can’t wait for him to get home. We need him, his four little children need him, and all the those who have come to love Ty the Diabolo Guy, Phil with Juggling Skills and Rick’s YoYo Tricks, need him too!

Tyler Seamons has quite the resume. From lead singer in a local rock band to world renowned inventor of the wildly successful Donald Trump Magic 8 Ball, Ty the Diabolo Guy, Phil with Juggling Skills and YoYo Trick Rick has youtube channels with over millions of views and hundreds of thousands of subscribers. Parents and children around the globe have come to count on him for tutorials such as “how to juggle 3 balls in under 5 minutes,” “how to do the elevator with a fixed axle Chinese diabolo,” and “how to construct a cradle with a blue recluse non-responsive yoyo.”

The news of Tyler’s diagnosis sent shock waves through his family, company, community, and many fans and followers. “Getting him home for treatment is our top priority,” claimed sister and CFO KickFire Marketing, Tiffiny Appelbaum. “It has been remarkable to watch everyone come together to help. The generosity and support from people have been incredible. I can’t thank everyone enough for all their efforts to help us financially and try to arrange transportation. The cost to get him home on a medically supervised flight where he can lie down (as he can’t sit up right now) is upwards of $60,000. The donations are helping immensely.”

Tyler Seamons has given the world so much, it’s no big surprise everyone in the world is giving so much in return to help bring Mr. Seamons home. To make a donation, please visit Tyler Seamons’ YouCaring page here, or any America First Credit Union – every contribution counts, and Mr. Seamons is not yet done giving.

The Best News is that our campaign to Bring Him Home is coming together quite nicely.

Meltdown Moment

I had a meltdown moment today where I pretty much acted like a 4-year-old. I got so overwhelmed with all the never ending work and problems that I told Tiffiny and Cory that I’m done! I said I was sick of busting my @$$ and doing a [email protected]%&load of work and I wasn’t going to do it anymore.

And then I went to back to school night, made dinner, talked with a friend and went on a family walk. It helped that we read Jim Gaffigan’s book about food for scripture study and had a couple minutes of good belly laughs. I’ve been back at my computer for the past 2 hours and made some serious progress so I’m feeling much better now.

I really should have used my meditation skills and taken some deep breaths. I feel so much stress and all I want to do is say swear words. They feel so therapeutic. I’m especially fond of the D word right now. I say it over and over in my head all the time. I’m a little worried that I’m never going to be able to stop. The only other way I know how to work out these crushing feelings is to exercise, but I can’t exercise all day long. I did play basketball for almost a solid 2 hours today. SO AMAZING! I think I’ll go play again tomorrow. Basketball and biking got me through my divorce and I feel that it will help me survive again now too.

Well, I had better wrap things up and get some sleep. I feel like I’m a single mom all over again with these crazy insane late nights and freaking early mornings. I’m worried that if I keep working like this I’m gonna get cancer next for sure. I try not to think negative thoughts like that, but it’s hard to avoid them when everyone I love is dropping like flies.

Good Night. I hope I can avoid any further meltdown moments unless of course, they are good for me. I imagine it’s just my way of coping. . . it’s probably better than some of the other ways I’ve used in the past. Do perfect people not have to cope? Or is a perfect person someone who’s had enough hard stuff happen that nothing really rattles them. I mean I have to admit that because of certain experiences, I’m better equipped to handle certain situations than other people. I think the only reason this is proving so taxing and emotional is because it’s all so new, novel and heavy! I’ve never really lost my best friend and business partner all overnight. It’s been a brutal blow for my business and for my friendship.

Back on the Box

I spent a lot of time thinking about T last night so it was no surprise that I woke up thinking about the shin guards he bought me right after my missed box jump. I was working in my home office when the UPS man dropped off a package from Amazon.com.  I opened it up to discover a set of McGregor shin guards. I figured it was a new client sending us product for professional photography. I messaged the team in slack and asked who sent the shin guards. Tyler chimed in that he sent them to me as a gift so that I could get back on the box!

I knew exactly what I needed to do. I got up, got the kids off to school, got in my gym clothes and headed out to my gym. I pulled out the box, untied my shoes, put my shin guards on and then faced off my box. Honestly, I was scared as hell. I’ve jumped out of a plane and that was hard. And this face off produced the same sort of hesitation. My brain didn’t wanna do it! I told myself that if I missed it wouldn’t be nearly as bad as the last time for the shin guards would protect me. Plus, I felt that my battle was symbolic. My brain was rebelling against me just as is T’s.

T wanted me back on the box. I want him back too. So I set aside my fears, gathered my gumption, and jumped with all my heart.

Gwen captured the moment perfectly! And I cleared it by a mile! It felt so good. I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that I was crying.

And then I proceeded to do 30 more! I crushed my WOD. Thinking about T the entire time! I love him tons. I’m glad he had the foresight to get me these shin guards. He gave me the courage and motivation to get back on the box. I know T, if it’s up to him, will fight this cancer with all his heart. If it’s God’s will that he lives, he will. T is a rare breed. He’s got courage, integrity and strength. I have always affectionately called him the Lion of the Lord. He’s a mighty man of God and goodness. And today, we figured out a way to get him home. Because of the many donations from kind and caring people, and an extremely large donation from a non-profit ($25k), we are able to purchase 8 seats on a Delta flight to get him home for treatment. People are good. God is good. Tyler has many friends. It reminds me of the show It’s a Wonderful Life when all of Jimmy Stewart’s friends stepped up to help him pay off his debts. We have raised over $19k on a gofund me site and the $25k from the non-profit will get him home where he’ll be back on the box! 🙂