Prayer for Me

Prayer for me has changed recently. I no longer view prayer as a form of work wherein I petition God for blessings I need for me, my friends, or my family. I don’t believe God reserves special blessings, gifts, or healings for those who are bold enough to ask, or for those who obediently keep his commands.

Furthermore, I don’t believe that the righteous are entitled to more blessings than the wicked. Primarily because I do not believe children of God can be wicked for I believe we are all divine beings with infinite possibilities. Yes, there are evil acts, but children of God are not evil. Individuals who commit evil acts are hurting and hurting people hurt others in attempts to meet their unmet needs. Children of God who are hurting need help and lots of love. Punishment doesn’t rehabilitate for hate cannot drive out hate, only love and light can do that. And God, like the sun, does not withhold his love and light from any of his children. Some may choose to live in a cave and claim that the world is a cold, dark place, but their reality isn’t God’s reality for God happily shines his love and light down upon all his creations. We are free to live in or out of the cave. Honoring the Divine is a gift we give ourselves, but to think that God’s goodness is conditional upon our behavior is to make God ungracious. My God blesses all because of who He is not because of who we are. His benevolence isn’t based upon our actions.

But I digress, back to prayer. Prayer for me now is silent communion. As I sit silently, I rarely feel the need to speak, primarily because I no longer see God as a great genie in the sky who simply exists to grant my every wish. Additionally, I no longer view God as the Great dispenser of death, punishment, and doom. For me, God is a power that I can always access. When I am connected with God all things are possible for God is all powerful. When I am disconnected from God I feel weak and powerless. Yes, I fear and I doubt when I disconnect from the divine.

This belief about God means that there is nothing that I need that He hasn’t already granted, and everything else that I feel I need is already on its way. Prayer for me consists of reminding myself of this realization. When I pray in this way, I no longer feel the need to ask for gifts, blessings, healings, or miracles for me, my family, or my friends. Instead, I sit quietly and go within for it is within this silent stillness that I touch the infinite and receive the calm assurance that everything will be all right. I feel powerful and at peace. Words, in such a setting, are unnecessary, and frankly, feel quite trite. Instead of speaking, I open my heart and allow the gratitude to gush. Sometimes it spills out in audible gasps of adoration, joy, and awe. And, oftentimes, this silent stirring of my soul causes the tears to flow.

As you can see, prayer for me is a private communion. I am finding it particularly painful to pray publicly. It doesn’t feel like prayer. It feels exhibitionist–a pointless perfunctory performance.  If God is not a genie in the sky, who exists to fulfill our every wish, then why do we continually go before him petitioning that he “bestow his spirit with us,” or that he “bless us with health,” or that he “help us go throughout our various activities in safety?” God is already doing all these things. By asking him to do it aren’t we backhandedly suggesting that he is somehow some miserly withholder? Do you really believe that God only blesses you with safety if you petition him for it? I don’t. Do you really believe that God will allow Lindsay to die from cancer if we don’t pray fervently? I don’t. Do you really believe that God will withhold peace, happiness, and joy if we don’t ask him to bless us with it? I don’t. And that is why I find it completely unfitting to beg God for blessings.

Come out of your cave dear one. Come sit silently in the sun and bask in the peace, graciousness, and goodness of God for he is shining it down upon His inhabitants in great abundance. Go within and you will find the divine. You will find that all you seek has already been given and already exists within. You are divine. You are connected to God and because of your connection you already have everything you need–and anything you feel is lacking is always already on its way. This, my friends, is prayer for me now!

God’s Goods are Great

God’s goods are great That’s right! God is SO good and the good’s he delivers are so great! I have been thinking a lot lately about how God is the great giver of all good gifts and how he answers prayers in mysterious ways. The answers, gifts, and goods always come in incredible ways. The scriptures talk about how God answers in his own time and in his own way. I have found this to be true. I have also found that we are not left bereft of music as he orchestrates his Divine Plans. In fact, he blesses our senses with soothing symphonies all along till that climactic crescendo–the moment He opens the windows of Heaven and pours out his blessings upon us in such abundance that we don’t have room enough to receive. The bounty takes our breath away and we sit in awe, spellbound by majesty, magnificence, and beauty of it all.

There was a time when I tried to be the maestro. I thought I knew just what needed to be done to Divinely direct the symphonies of my life. I’ve learned now that I don’t know nearly as much about music and Divine Orchestration as the Master. I’ve learned to let God do the conducting and to sit back and enjoy the unfolding.

I read this quote this morning that really spoke to me:

God always gives his best to those who leave the choice to him.

To me, that means being content to allow God the time and space to answer in his way and in his time. It’s always better this way for I’ve discovered through personal experience that when God does finally deliver, he delivers big time! His gifts are so much greater than we can ever even imagine. I remember feeling this way when I met Matt. He was–and is–so much more than I ever could have even hoped for. I was praying to meet a righteous dude. Who knew that I’d not only find a righteous dude, but one I’m attracted to, who enjoys being active, working hard, playing hard, and praying hard. He is my #1 fan and inspires me to be and do better. I love him and am grateful for him. I still marvel that God brought such an incredibly perfect fit into my life in his time and his way. I’m grateful for his Divine Orchestration, his timing, his music, and his plan every single day.

Just recently, I had another instance where God answered my prayers in a remarkable, his own time, kind of way. I had been praying for the ability to simplify my life. I have been feeling for several years that my work-life balance was out of balance. I loved my work (KickFire), but it felt like it was taking over my life. I was just starting to create some sanity and sacred space when Tyler was diagnosed with brain cancer. Life, which was already crazy busy, became exceedingly worse. I honestly never thought I could get more slammed, until I did. I worked hard to get things back under wraps and I told myself that once I had things reigned back in, I was really going to be done with the insanity. The crisis was past and then, in the Lord’s perfect timing, an incredible job opportunity appeared. It was completely unexpected and totally out of nowhere. It was something that I never before would have entertained, but because of Tyler’s mishap, and work becoming even crazier, I was open to the idea.

The seed was planted and as I thought about the possibilities of leaving my own business to help build someone else’s the thought became delicious to me. I could see it all so clearly now as the perfect answer to my prayers. It wasn’t the way I would have solved my work-life balance problem, it was a solution far beyond my imagination at the time. The position, opportunity, and compensation are all incredible. God’s goods are great! And his Divine Orchestrations are music to my ears. I’m grateful for his conducting and that he didn’t leave me bereft of music while he led me toward the climactic crescendo. I’ll never tire of his soothing symphonies and the ways He leads me, guides me, and walks beside me. Thank you for your great goods God!

Worry is a Waste

Worry is a waste! Seriously, any time we worry we waste our precious present thinking about things that may never happen. I was reading today some suggestions from Dr. Dyer about how you can eliminate worry from your life. Here are a few strategies I want to teach my children and be sure to remember:

  • View your present moments as time to live rather than time to obsess about the future. When you catch yourself worrying ask, “What am I avoiding now by using up this moment with worry?” Then begin to attack whatever it is you are avoiding. The best antidote to worry is action.
  • Recognize the futility of worry. Ask yourself, “Is there anything that will ever change as a result of my worrying about it?”
  • Give yourself shorter and shorter amounts of “worry time” each day. Designate 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the afternoon. Use these periods to fret about every potential disaster you can get into the time slot. Then, using your ability to control your thoughts, postpone any worry thoughts till your next designated “worry session.” You’ll quickly discover the folly of using any time in this wasteful fashion, and will eventually eliminate your worry zone completely.
  • Make a worry list of everything you worried about yesterday, last week, and even last year. See if any of your worry did anything productive for you. Assess also, how many of the things you worried about materialized. You’ll see that worry is a doubly wasteful indulgence. It does nothing to alter the future. And the projected catastrophe turns out to be minor, or even a blessing when it arrives.
  • Just Worry! See if worry is something you can demonstrate the next time you are tempted to worry. Seriously, turn to someone else and say, “Watch me, I’m about to worry about X.” They’ll be confounded since you probably won’t even know how to demonstrate the thing you do so well.
  • Ask yourself this worry eradicating question, “What’s the worst thing that could happen to me? or them? And what’s the likelihood that it will happen? You’ll quickly discover the absurdity of worry.

I learned many years ago that worry is a waste. I never was able to effectively change an outcome by worrying about it. I learned that everything has a way of working out and the best thing I can do to affect outcomes is to keep working. This is saying–in other words–what Wayne was saying, “the best antidote to worry is action.”

These days I’m much too busy to worry. I’m also too action-oriented. This doesn’t mean worrisome thoughts never arise. They do, and I simply choose to let them glide on by. I don’t attach to them, and I remain detached from outcomes. I realize that everything is always as it should be and that the Universe will provide and God will supply.  It has always been so and I have no reason to worry it will ever not be so. I’m committed to live in–and enjoy–the precious present by not worrying about the past or the future. I hope to model this pertinent life skill to others too.

Intent to Manifest

I’ve become fascinated recently with this idea that believing is seeing and that which we can conceive and believe we can achieve. I love Dr. Wayne Dyer’s writings on intentions and manifesting and I’ve been experimenting with it in my own life lately with great success.

First, I had an intent to manifest a win-win resolution for all parties with my leaving KickFire and joining Nutra. I wanted to do right by all my team members and clients. There are so many moving parts and things that have to come together and I decided to believe it will all work out and so far it has. Don’t get me wrong, it is requiring a lot of work and creative structuring, but as I’ve made win-win my goal, and continued to operate from a place of abundance, it is manifesting in remarkable ways.

Cory, Matt, and Eddie are coming with me. Tiffiny is taking over the agency. Svêlo has a potential buyer. The toys are selling, and what doesn’t sell will be donated to charity and provide a nice tax break I can use to reduce my income in 2018. I am continuing to focus my intent on incredible outcomes and I have every confidence that it will manifest as I imagine. Believing to see is super empowering. It allows me to create my future, or at least feel like I’m not powerless to create positive outcomes. I will always remain intent to manifest.

Overriding Instincts

Initially, I didn’t want to write about this because it was a painful realization, but recognizing my behavior as a natural self-preservation instinct–one that I must simply continue to override, enabled the embarrassment to subside.

Essentially, it irks me that whenever I feel threatened or insecure, I panic and my natural response is to think of myself–my needs–in the face of danger. This instinctual response bothers me because I want to always be an abundant-minded person. Why can’t my natural response always be that of abundance? Why, when I feel threatened, or insecure, does this petty, selfish side rear its ugly head?

So who am I? Do reflexive responses reveal our true nature? Or do reflexive responses exist to remind us that we are human? Is it possible to create a new reflex? Or in the words of scripture, can we overcome the natural man tendencies of the flesh? I believe we can, and I refuse to become discouraged that I’m not yet reflexively awesome all the time. I am, however, getting better every day and in every way.  It’s a process. I still have a long way to go, but know you this, I’m committed because I believe I can override my instincts and rewire my reflexive responses. I am becoming better daily.

Baby Steps

Yesterday, Tyler finally came home from the hospital! So tonight we had a little open house from 6-8. Channel 5 KSL news came and it was so fun to see the progress Tyler has made. His short-term memory is improving big time. Rebecca is doing awesome and we talked about doing a management meeting at the new Cafe Rio next week. I want Tyler to meet our new guy Matt. Heck, I want to meet him too!

I’m really excited about the progress T is making. I’m still rooting for recovery. I am content to leave it up to God and trust that the new T will be even better. Everything is always as it should be and happy endings all depend on where you stop your story. This story isn’t stopping. The baby steps are becoming giant leaps and bounds. Go T!

Here’s a link to the follow-up story Ashley did:


Facing Fears and Flying High

I awoke this morning at 3 am and couldn’t immediately fall back to sleep. So I tossed and turned and eventually started meditating in an attempt to fall back to sleep. Soon enough I began having an out of body experience. It has happened several times before and always begins with the tingles that commence at the top of my spine and rapidly spread. As the tingle chills spread and increased in intensity I felt my body begin to lift up off the bed.

In the past, this sensation has caused me to panic as it feels like some spirit entity is sinking into your body, trying to take over your soul. I am always unable to speak and sometimes my tongue is literally bound, but I’m always able to command the spirits to depart in my head using my thought voice, but last night I was not afraid and instead of panicking when I could not speak, I started singing in my head, “I’m flying, I’m flying.”

By reframing my experience from one of some evil spirit trying to possess my body to simply a paranormal dream paralysis experience, I was able to turn what used to be a horrifying experience into a lucid dream thrill. I lifted up off my bed and started soaring around my bedroom. After making a few complete revolutions, I returned safely to my bed alongside Matt. I still felt like I was flying on my bed in my dream so I started trying to tell him “Look at me, I’m flying, I’m flying” hoping he would wake up and see that I was having such a cool dream.

Wake up he did (in my dream), and I too, woke up a level. He pulled me out of bed, removed my mouth guard so I could speak, and as we were sliding along the floor I noticed it was Mike, my former spouse, not Matt. Mike slid me into the bathroom where I had the distinct impression that he was luring me into a trap. I felt impressed to incapacitate him before he could tell the person hiding in the shower behind the curtain to kill me. So I shot him with my handgun (literally, I put my hands together in the shape of a gun like a little kid playing and while pointing my “hand guns” at him I said, “Bang, Bang!” He fell dead.

The shower curtain slowly began to open and my instinct said, “Run!” But I immediately reminded myself that I was dreaming and that I should instead face my fear and try to uncover what it was that was trying to harm me. So I stood my ground. The shower curtain revealed a woman with dark hair my age. I asked, “Who are you? And why are you trying to kill me?” She didn’t answer, she simply put her hands together in a gun and said, “Bang, Bang!” I immediately replied, “You can’t die in your dreams!” And then the realization that this was true and that I had faced my fears and overcome them caused me to start dancing around in the bathroom while singing, “You can’t die in your dreams!” The lady scuzzed me and shut the shower curtain.  I still don’t know who she was, but Mike stood up off the bathroom floor and made his way to the shower as if he were going to shower now too.

This dream is important to me because it symbolizes my newfound power. I am no longer afraid of my nightly encounters. My dreams have helped me overcome my fears of death–I had that powerful awareness come during a lucid dream in Lake Tahoe with the intruder at the foot of my bed, and now I feel that last night gave me the experience I needed to overcome my fear of the spirit(s) who have been visiting me at night. I realize now they cannot hurt me nor do they want to.

I can’t help but think of the FDR quote, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I also was able to prove to myself once again that I’m not afraid to die. I can look fear and death in the eye and say, “Why are you here? Why are you trying to harm me?” Death turned away in this dream just as it will in life if it is not yet my time. I’m grateful for my experiences of last night where I was able to realize the power of Facing Fears and Flying High!

Wanting More

Wanting More is a topic near and dear to my heart right now. Here’s why:

Dr. Dyer was discussing the merits of wanting for others more of what you want for yourself. At the time I heard it I was trying to think of ways to help Tyler and his family stay afloat while also keeping KickFire afloat. I was feeling a little concerned about how to manage both–and do right by all– when Wayne imparted what I’m now calling, the wisdom of wanting more.

It was comforting to know that in my moment of crisis I wasn’t only looking out for my backside. I was pleased that I truly had an innate desire to make sure everyone was provided for and okay. But in my heart of heart, I couldn’t yet claim that I was the type of person who was wanting more for others that which I wanted for myself. I was just wanting everything to be okay.

In fact, I had moments where all I wanted to do was walk–no, run–away. It would be so easy for me to close up shop and have all of this no longer be my problem. But thankfully, the Good Lord, God, Universe, Spirit, or [insert your spiritual superpower semantics here], helped keep me feeling invested. He still helps me daily carry the burden. Had I to shoulder this burden alone, crushed I’d be already. God, friends, family, my entire KickFire Crew, and most importantly my faith, continues to pull me through–they always do.

And so this idea that I can want for others that which I want for myself–wanting it even more for them than I want it for me–meaning I don’t just want Rebecca and her family to also be provided for, but that I want them to be provided for as much as I want it for myself and then I add a dash, or a lump, or a full-fledge cup of even more wanting for them.

Yes, I also have a need for security, but I want it as much and now a little–no a lot–more for her than I want it even more for me. . . now that there is something. Something I want to strive for because it really wasn’t something I had even before considered.  When I heard Dr. Dyer speak about what I’m now calling the wisdom of wanting more, it hit me dead center. I knew it was true and what I wanted, not only for Rebecca’s security but for also for who I wanted to be. I, Janelle Page, want to be that type of person who wants more for others that of which I want for myself.

I’ve before heard the saying, “want more for others than you want for yourself,” and it isn’t nearly as powerful as wanting for others that which you want for yourself–to such a degree that you want to see them get what you want for yourself as much, and even more, than you want it for you.

It’s definitely the higher law and a beautiful companion to Jesus’ teaching:

Do unto others as you would have done unto you

The universe smiles upon those who want for others as much as and more so as they want for themselves. I always loved Zig Ziglar’s saying:

You can have anything in the world you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.

Perhaps we can apply the wisdom of wanting more principle to Zig’s teaching too and say:

You can have anything in the world you want if you first help enough other people get what you want.

Birds of Prey

Yesterday and today I had a cool experience with birds of prey. I was on my Sunday stroll and saw a deer. Deer are a sign between God and me–literally. One day when I was hiking up in Nordic Valley, I asked God to send me our traditional deer sign. You see whenever I’m hiking, or out and about meditating, God lets me know he’s near using deer, monarch butterflies, and yellow-breasted finches. It’s something I’ve come to count on. So this day in Nordic Valley I was nearing the conclusion of my hike and hadn’t yet seen any deer. So I mentioned the fact to Heavenly Father and asked him for a sign that he was near. I continued along my path only to look up and see this sign:

God’s cleverness made me laugh–the sign of the deer! I smiled at the Heavens as I loudly proclaimed: “Touché.” I kept right on running and that’s when something even more remarkable happened. I looked up and but 10 yards in front of me a beautiful doe and her fawn bounded across the street. I stopped and watched in total awe. How does one even begin to convey the wonder and goodness of God?

So yesterday as I was walking, deep in thought, you can imagine my delight as a deer caught my sight. It was in a pasture on the polygamist plantation. I wasn’t looking for it nor expecting it, God was simply letting me know that he was here and near.

I immediately tuned into my surroundings and discovered among the many chirping birds, the cry of a hawk. I tried to discover its location and couldn’t till it cried aloud again. It was sitting atop a nearby tree.  I closed my eyes and tried to get the spirit to make it fly. I knew spirit could do it as they often use animals to communicate with us. But try as I might, I couldn’t get spirit to make the bird fly. So I concentrated my mental powers further, meditating more intently. And that’s when spirit taught me that animals cannot be coerced. They are simply mediums and they must be willing participants. Most of the time, they will go and do, happily, but since spirit wasn’t the bird and simply was asking the bird to fly and then the bird gets to decide. . . this particular bird wasn’t willing. In fact, spirit let me know that birds of prey can be a little more difficult to work with than other birds. I found that fascinating and it did make perfect sense to me. I felt as if Spirit said to me, “walk on and hold on.” My feeling was confirmed as I opened my eyes and saw this sign:

It made me smile and it convinced me to once again start walking. And that’s when it happened. . . after I had moved along about 20 yards I saw a huge hawk fly overhead. The sighting sent chills up and down my spine and caused my bones to quake like Aspen trees–all feelings that have special meaning for it’s one of the ways spirit lets me know its near and guiding me.

And so that’s my little Sunday story about spirit and birds of prey, but oh, lest I forget, this morning as I was working out, we saw a huge bird atop a light pole. We ran over to get a closer look and there sat a turkey vulture. I took it as another sign from spirit. Birds of prey were everywhere yesterday and today!

Future Value

I just spent the evening watching a webinar by BCMS about selling your business. I learned much about business valuations that also applies perfectly to life.

Did you know that the biggest mistake business owners can make when selling their business is to attach a value or asking price to their business based on past performance? The gentleman presenting the information incessantly proclaimed that buyers purchase businesses for a variety of reasons and it is rarely for the reason the seller assumes. Additionally, buyers make purchase decisions based on the future value of a company, not on past performance or current circumstances. Therefore, your business’s potential is what they are buying.

My main take away from the seminar was you will sell yourself short every time if you try to value your business. Sellers should let those who are in the business of buying businesses pay for their future potential.

How, you may ask, does this future value principle apply to life? I think the answer is fairly obvious, but in case you can’t yet see the writing on the wall, allow me to make it explicit:

You are not your past. Your value is neither determined by your past nor even your present. Your value is best determined by someone infinitely more wiser than you, one who knows your ultimate potential. Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God precisely because he alone knows your future value.

You will sell yourself short every time if you try to value your business. Let those who are in the business of buying businesses pay for your potential.